Final post of 2008

I can't believe that 2008 is over already. Every year brings it's blessings and challenges, and sometimes the blessings are in the challenges! It's a good thing that we aren't in control and that we don't know the future. 2008 started out wonderful with good news with Carli, and ended on a sad note with my Dad's death. The thing that I miss about being young is the innocence and somewhat uncomplicated way of viewing your world. With age comes a much more complicated world, and I don't know how people get through it without faith.

Our holidays were lots of fun and too much food!! My siblings and I went to Dad's on Saturday evening for the final decision making on what to do with things. It went very well, and I am so happy that we had no problems or disagreements. What a God-send! Then I made trips to MCC Connections, Wayne Health and Post Office, etc, moved the final furniture with Todd and Dan's help, and then cleaned a bit. Pulling the door closed for the final time was very hard...another chapter of life is complete. Not finished...as we will meet again in heaven...just complete. One more of God's children home with Him. I can't wait to see both of my parents again. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss my mom...and she died 31 years ago.

We are all in different places for the New Year's celebration. Tara is working, Carli and Jeremy are going to be with friends in Orrville, Kelsie is going to Columbus, and Ted and I are going to PA to be with Jane, Craig, Cindy and Jeff. Guess this is what happens when everyone is an adult!

HAPPY NEW YEAR...may we all strive to live in God's presence and be His ambassadors...Carriers of His light...

My apologies to my dear daughter for being too personal...I guess that being a nurse and talking about these things every day with kids make it seem "normal" to me...plus this blog is my way of journaling...so much easier than pen and paper. So, please understand when I talk about her and her physical status...it is what I am thinking about these days and praying that her disease is GONE and that there are no lasting SIDE EFFECTS from the chemo.

Nothing like children singing to make Christmas eve special. My two choirs combined to sing "Carriers of the Light"...a neat musical about carrying Jesus' light out into the world. They were so cute dressed in their nativity costumes. Precious.

Tara and Todd made it home in plenty of time to experience the Gerber Christmas morning. It is so good to have everyone here. Then we had a great brunch with Todd's family, Ted's parents and a good friend, Connie, from church. Yummy yummy food, great fellowship, laughter, memories...it doesn't get any better than that. Sometimes I feel like my life is boring, and I wish that we were more exciting...but then I think about all of the little things that add up to big things and we are SO BLESSED. Jeremy experienced the first Christmas morning with us...and he still wants to marry Carli :)

Kelsie was so sweet getting excited about what others were getting for gifts...I miss the little child innocence of Christmas, but sometimes knowing that they are all grown up and still get giddy over the little things...I know that all is well.

One more large gathering to go...the Kohler family is having our get-together on Saturday. Always fun with lots of kids, weird sense of humor times, and a little sad this year without Dad. I hope that my kids remember me with such love...

GOOD NEWS!! The chest x-ray was clear!! PTL!!

I didn't go with Carli to her appointment...guess I feel like she and Jeremy are in the driver's seat now...so, she just called and said that all is OK. She said that Dr. Stallings asked her a lot of questions about her periods...he is surprised that she continued to have them during chemo. Guess with breast cancer that is not a good thing, but with Carli's she wasn't sure if it was good or not. She is hoping that it means that her ovaries were saved and that having children is still possible. So many things to think about...

Such a relief. I feel particularly sad today, so that was good to get good news! I made my dad's favorite cookies today, and just wish that I could take him some. But, he is not even needing cookies in heaven!!

Still have some baking to do, but I'll get done what I can and have to be satisfied! I love Christmas so much, that i am almost bummed when it is over. So glad that Todd and Tara can home on Christmas day. She works until 7:30am, so they will be home sometime before noon. So different from the days that she used to wake us all up at the crack of dawn!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU, MY DEAR FRIENDS...MAY YOU TAKE THE TIME TO PONDER GOD'S LOVE FOR US, JESUS' SACRIFICE, AND THE LOVE OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY.

PEACE.

Our advent services at church have been so meaningful and beautiful. I wish that the whole feeling could last forever. But that is the thing with faith...you can't just stay in the "easy" place...as the commercial used to say, "life comes at you fast". I feel like life is so very "heavy" right now...

I don't know if Lois got to come home from the hospital or not this weekend. Hopefully will find out today. I hate to call as I know how many calls need to be taken during a crisis like this. PLease keep her in your prayers...I just hope that she gets to be home for Christmas.

Carli found out Saturday via email that she did not get into Walsh's PT program. The email said that it is very competitive and that her GPA wasn't high enough. They just don't know what a challenging school GCC is. Now she is frustrated. If she would've gone to a less challenging school she would be better off. When she was at OWU, she had almost a 4.0. Now she has a 3.3 (which is amazing for a Biology major from GCC). Very frustating. I know that she has gotten a great education, but now she feels like it was all for nothing. I told her that when God closes a door, he opens a window...she felt like Walsh was the window!! (the door was getting cancer, I guess). Please pray for her to get some direction as to what to do next. She is on their waiting list...so there still is hope...but she might not find out until March. Makes planning their lives a little more difficult.

Missing my dad...

Carli's 23rd birthday

Carli was able to be home d/t her interview at Walsh, and her choice for her birthday dinner was Senor Panchos in Orrville. Lots of food...but she wouldn't let me tell them it was her birthday so as not to be embarrassed by the big hat and all...wellllll, I had to leave early to go to choir and I let the word slip on my way out :) She got the whole works...singing...sombraro...tequilla...too bad I wasn't there with my camera!!

Carli thought that the interview went well...it was with 6 people applying to Walsh's PT program, and then she had a written portion. She might find out by Christmas if she's in.

She has another Chest X-Ray next Thursday. Prayers, please.

The photo of Tara and Kelsie is of Thanksgiving with the wish bone...before they got down and dirty! I think that Tara won...wonder what the wish was???

I had an interesting converstation with a father of a student of mine that has been treated for Hodgkin's in the past. Now she has found a lump...they are very scared but the initial tests look OK. I just happened to be there when he came in for her homework...I felt really good after our conversation...I felt that he needed someone who REALLY understood. He said over and over "NO ONE GETS IT". The sad part is of things kthat people said to him when his daughter was diagnosed...shook him to his foundation, and now he doesn't want anything to do with God. I tried to reassure him that the God that I worship loved him and his daughter, and wanted nothing else but her complete wholeness. I am praying that I have more opportunity to talk to him and just be a sounding board. God put me in his path yesterday (whether he wanted it or not!) and I am praying that I can continue...

Still working on Dad's things...miss him so much...I used to cringe when the phone rang, now I would welcome it. It is the truth that you don't know what you have until it's gone. I just keep holding on to the fact that I will see my mom and dad again in heaven!

Kelsie and Carli have finals and will be done on Tuesday. We are going out to take Carli out to dinner on her final day at GCC. Jane and Craig will meet us for dinner! Should be fun, but I am really going to miss having a "real" graduation to celebrate all of her hard work. She is very ready to be done and move on...she'll be moving home until she gets married...not sure if TEd and I are ready for that :)
This empty nest thing can be pretty good! We are both so busy with meetings and such that we aren't home alone a whole lot...

Please pray for a dear friend of mine, Lois, who is in the hospital after very major surgery...not sure of the details, but she will have a long recovery. Please pray for patience and healing.

For all of you dear ones who still check this blog, please slow down and reflect on your blessings, especially the human ones, this Christmas.

Carli and Kelsie are back at GCC for the final stretch. They will be done on the 16th...Carli will be done at GCC for good! She is really looking forward to moving on...she called today and she has an interview at Walsh for their PT program on the 12th. I know that some real prayer warriers read this...pray that she has a good interview! She would like to go there so that Jeremy could continue at Malone. Plus, they have a great program.

Kelsie hasn't been feeling well...had some tests done...no results yet...Mom continues to worry, even though I know that I'm not supposed to!

Another funeral of a really neat guy from our church tonight. That makes 3 in 3 weeks, and another good friend of my dad's passed away last spring. 4 pillars in 6 months. Thank God we have the assurance that they are in heaven, or this would be really hard to take!

Our family time went well last Friday, but going through Dad's stuff is hard enough even if we are getting along. To just give things away or even throw things away seems so final and almost cruel. Another thing that I am thankful for is that our lives are not measured by our "stuff". This really hits home when someone close to you passes...

Not much time to blog as we have 35 people coming for dinner tonight! It is the Kohler Thanksgiving...which will not be the same without Dad...plus we have some "business" to discuss, which is never easy.

The Thanksgiving worship service and sale at church was great...it is always fun to see people who come home for the holiday and sale...plus it is fun to have the chance to bid on things such as Larry Mast's angel food cake...yum...the only down side was that Carli and Jeremy are in Michigan, but they are coming back to Ohio today.

Carli hasn't been feeling well, and I am praying that it is just a virus...she tells me not to worry, but I think that worry is my job! If I got paid when I worried, I would be rich! Not very scriptural, I know.

Off to stuff the turkey...and set the tables...and peel potatoes...can't wait for the great food that we will have tonight :)

I just got finished blubbering again. The weirdest things will set me off! Susan has been at Dad's organizing his things and had dropped off some things at our house. I am so thankful for her.... Just seeing some of Dad's stuff still makes me cry.
I was thinking yesterday that the greatest things that I learned from Dad were to be content and thankful, no matter what. Then I read a devotional given to me by Chris, a friend from church. The title was "in the Land that is Plentiful". It talked about the Israelites wandering in the desert after being slaves in Egypt. They were on the brink of entering the promised land, after eating manna for forty years. Now they were in Canaan, and God no longer needed to provide manna. They didn't need to rely on Him for food-it was already there. Now they needed change their focus from surviving to overcoming. They needed to overcome their enemies to posses the land, and God would give them the strenth that they needed.

This really hit me...I need to start relying on God to overcome, not just survive. The Israelites wilderness days were behind them, but their reliance days were still with them. "Fortunately, God's name is one we can all rely upon, no matter what circumstance we're facing". (P. 72, Blessed Be Your Name Devotional). I need to keep that in mind when things feel overwhelming.

Carli was just named a "Who's Who in American Colleges and Universities". Only a few get nominated from GCC, so that was exciting! She said that it should make us feel like we didn't waste four years of paying for tuition! She also said that they either like her, or it is to make up for the hassles that she's faced in the past year!!

Tara is liking her job at the James, but is having trouble adjusting to night (graveyard) shift. She usually works 12 hour shifts, and said she feels like she is going to die from about 2-5 am. I remember those days....

Kelsie and Carli will be home next week. It will be so nice to have them here.

Planning a funeral is difficult...my dad made it easier by having a list of his favorite songs and by listing some of the things that he would like. But, we could have used a week to prepare and have time to sit and think. After it was over I came up with more ideas...but the service was beautiful and a real reflection of the guy that my dad was.

I still don't think that it has sunk in as I keep thinking of things that I should be doing for him...and then realize that he doesn't need anything any more! He is with Jesus...that is a comfort.

His graveside service was amazing...21 gun salute, taps played by a bugler, flag service (which was presented to my brother, also an Army vet...very touching)...my dad was proud of his service to our country and it was an honor to see him honored...very touching for all of us. Darrell also had very kind words of comfort and it was so nice to know how well he knew our dad. Going to a small church definitely has it's advantages. We are thankful that Darrell's health permitted him to help us this week.

Debbie Fitzwater joined us for "I'll Fly Away" during the funeral. So much fun to sing with her again. God brings people into your life that will remain close even when the busyness keeps us from getting together very often.

There are so many things that God had worked out for us...my brother Gary had not left for Turkey yet, Tara had a few days off as is transitioning to working night shift, Dad's last nurse's name was "Kathryn" (differnt spelling, but dad's special women were both Catherine's), Carli and Kelsie were in-between exams, my sister-in-law Sally just had surgery but was able to make it home...Darrell could be with us...I'm sure there were many other things that I am forgetting, but it was amazing that we could all be together...what a legacy that my dad left...from my mom and dad I think that there are 44 of us, counting spouses...whew!!

Now the hard part begins...getting his affairs in order. We have to get his home cleaned out by the end of the month, and it is hard to think of everything that needs to be done. But, it will all work out...we have had fun looking at old photos and laughing and crying at the same time. The hard part for me is to see how he was declining...his handwriting and organization of his finances, etc. He was trying so hard to stay independent...

He will be missed...we loved him so...

Little did I know when I wrote this this morning that I would only see my Dad again for a few short moments. He went home to be with Jesus while on the way to the nursing home. He was talking about the Browns football game with the paramedic, turned his head, and that was it. He really didn't want to be a "burden" and probably knew that he would never leave the nursing home. So, he went the way he would have wanted...quick, and without us there to fuss over him.

We loved him so much, this hurts so badly. I never really got to say goodbye...but take comfort in the fact that he is no longer in pain and is in heaven with my mom and Katie...we found some beautiful letters that he wrote us...we never knew that he could be so eloquent...he really loved us, loved our mom and step-mom, and now he is in heaven.

We will miss him....

HE will carry me....

Ended up having to take Dad to the hospital Thursday night...long night...he fell again Thursday at noon, and was in pain and couldn't stand up or put weight on his legs...needsless to say, I couldn't have gotten him to bed, etc.

They can't find any medical reason for his weakness, so today we will transfer him to Glendora nursing home. This is SOOOO hard. I never imagined my Dad being this weak-your dad was always the strong one. He has been through so much and handles life so gracefully, that it is hard to make him do this when I know he doesn't want to. He told our pastor that he would "go wherever the girls want to put me". We don't want to PUT him anywhere but in his own home.

Haven't heard anything recently from Tara or Lisa.

I did, however, get to spend some time yesterday with Kelsie and Carli and saw their college rooms and met some of their friends. Very fun. I really needed something fun right now, as everything for the past couple of months has been very HEAVY.

On the way home, I was listening to a CD that a friend from church made me when we were going through Carli's chemo. The song by Mark Schultz really gets to me every time I hear it. Part of the chorus is as follows:

Even though I'm walking through the valley of the shadow
I will hold on to the hand of HIM whose love will comfort me,
When all hope is gone and I've been wounded in the battle
His love is all the strength I'll ever need....
He will carry me....He will carry me...

Prayer Request

Tara just called and said that her best friend Lisa Christy found out that she has Thyroid Cancer. She lives in Texas, her husband is in Iraq, and her parents live in the Cleveland area. Dan is out in the field in Iraq, so he doesn't even know yet. She has a "good kind" of thyroid cancer...(there really is no such thing as far as I'm concerned)...please pray for wisdom for the doctors, peace of mind for Lisa and her parents, and that she will be able to be in contact with Dan real soon!

Dad is being evaluated by a palliative care doctor tomorrow and then sees his PCP. Then hopefully we will be able to discern which road to take...

Please also pray for a friend from church, Chris, who is undergoing tests...

So many needs...sometimes I have to remind myself that God really is in control...and I need to remember to give thanks in ALL things...not FOR all things, but IN all things. His plan is perfect...

Seems like we go from one crisis to another...my dad is not doing well and Lori and I had to tell him yesterday that the doctor thinks that he needs to move to assisted living or a nursing home. I didn't think that it would be so hard to do, but now that the time is here, it is so hard. He is so easy to work with, has a very calm demeaner, but he really doesn't want to move. I feel like I'm making him do something he doesn't want to do. Please pray that things will work out without hard feelings...we are having palliative care evaluate him next week to see if there is anything that we can do to keep him at home...

We have another family situation that I can't discuss...please just pray for our family. God knows our hearts...and our needs...

Got an email from a family that just took their teenage son that has cancer for his final trip from home to the hospital. I can't even imagine the pain...when I see things like this, I realize that our situation is not so devestating...

Thank you for still caring enough to read this rambling by a crazy woman!

We had a great weekend at Buck Creek! The weather was beautiful, albeit a little chilly and windy...but the guys got to take out the sailboat so the weekend was a success! Ted and Jeremy worked many hours to repair and repaint the boat...it looked pretty sharp!

Carli commented that she was warmer this time...she had hair :)

So, everyone is now back to school and things are quiet again. Carli's dress is in, so she will probably come home soon so that we can pick it up. Have no idea how we're going to store it, but oh well!!

Time...goes by so quickly. My mom said that time goes faster as you age, and I never believed her until now! The days fly by and sometimes I don't know what I have done to positively impact my world. I see folks every day that I should help, but in my busyness I don't do what I should do. I wonder if God looks at us and wonders why we are so caught up in things that don't really matter.

My dad was in the hospital this week, please keep him and us in your prayers. They didn't find a cause for his problems...

I have really been thinking about what Carli endured this past year with a heavy heart recently. Many times out of the blue I will see her lying on the couch so sick...in my mind's eye...and I want to be picturing the whole, healthy Carli!

She is really stressing about her grades right now. Her Anatomy and Physiology class is one of the most difficult offered at GCC, and she says that she really needs an "A". Most PT schools look at that one particular grade to see if you can really handle the difficulty of PT. She is doing well, but I can tell that she is really worried. She is also taking Calculus (and the poor thing gets her math "smarts" from me...not good) plus other difficult things. She will be so glad to be done in December! It has been trying for her to be at school without her close friends, who graduated last May. It was really important to her to graduate in the class of '08...at least she is making it right under the wire!

Homecoming is this weekend at GCC and Carli's best friend/prior roomie is there from the DC area. I am sure that they are having a great time catching up on everything. Another friend from Dalton is also there, and she has really missed having Keegan on campus. So, lots of fun with friends this weekend!

Kelsie made me laugh...she was with the alumni sorority sisters on Friday night and she had such a good time...said that it was fun to be with the ladies that graduated 25 and 30 years ago :) Back in the 70's...when GCC was a wild place! SO, their college life was much different than it is now! I think that I am glad that my girls are experiencing the more conservative side of things....even if they don't always like it!

Tara got her first choice job at the James and is working with a preceptor until NOvemeber, then she starts working night shift on her own. She is having many great experiences and calls to tell me, which I so appreciate. It is fun to "compare notes", even though I am not working in the hospital any more. Some things have really changed (technology) and some will never change (difficult patients and doctors).

Next weekend we are going to Buck Creek State Park and staying in a cabin together...all 7 of us...pray for good weather or things might not be pretty...the cabins are fairly small :)

Oops!

The wedding website is mywedding.com/JeremyandCarli

Carli set up a wedding site:
mywedding.com/carliandjeremy

It is fun, tells their story, etc. It is fun doing the wedding planning...we now have a caterer, but no florist yet. Have some ideas in mind...if anyone has suggestions, please let us know!

Carli and I had dinner together Friday night. She mentioned that she is doing a research paper on the Epstein Barr virus and Hodgkin's Lymphoma. She said that she didn't realize until doing this research how serious her diagnosis was/is. Her staging (IIIB) was very life-threatening and she didn't really realize it! She said that it was probably good that she didn't realize it, because then she would have been even more stressed out! (duh...I just wish I would have been like that...would've saved lots of gained pounds and sleepless nights). She also didn't really realize the toll that chemo takes on your body...her chances of heart attack and respiratory problems are much greater now. She also mentioned that her chances of getting leukemia in the near future are high...that is one that I don't think that I knew, and might have been better off not knowing! She remembered that her chances of getting pregnant might be affected as will going into early menopause.

How do you handle this at age 22?? I am at the same age as my mom when she was diagnosed with terminal colon cancer...and I don't know how she handled that so well, either. Many tears shed in private for both of them, I am sure. Carli stays so upbeat and positive, but I could hear the fear in her words. "Cure" does not mean all certainly be well. Keep praying for her and Jeremy, especially as they are trying to plan where they will be in the future...depends on getting into PT school...

Tara interviews this week for specific positions at the James Cancer Center at OSU. God placed her there in the first place, so I am sure that He has big plans in store for her!

Kelsie is coming home for a few short hours to go try on bridesmaids dresses..Fun!!

Carli is participating in the "Light the Night" walk for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society again on October 2. The following website is an easy way to donate if you would like:
http://www.active.com/donate/ltnPittsb/2484_carligerber

Thanks!

It is so much more fun to post things when it is good news! Carli found out this week that Grove City will give her a "W" for withdrawn instead of the "F" that was on her transcript. She withdrew from her chemistry class in the spring of '07 after the withdrawal date...and the other classes let her make things up but she couldn't with labs/chemisty, so they were going to give her an "F". She fought this fight by herself, Ted and I didn't go to GCC this summer and complain...so I am proud that she stuck to her guns and got the decision reversed! Now her GPA looks much better for applying to PT schools. I am so thankful that GCC looked at the individual case, instead of just following policy.

She is trying hard to make her essays and cover letters look good without overplaying the "cancer card". She really wants to get in a good program...keep praying for her!

The wedding plans are moving along...still have to find a caterer and florist. The date is August 1. It is fun to plan and see what she and Jeremy are planning. Looks like a good time. I wish that we could invite the world! It will be such a celebration!

Also pray for Todd and Tara...am not sure if all of this financial turmoil will effect Todd and his job at Merrill Lynch. He hasn't said anything yet, and Tara said that he doesn't seem stressed...so maybe things will be OK. Tara is loving her rotations at the James Cancer Center, and will have to bid on which position she wants next week. She has seen some amazing things...many hurting and disfigured people, but she is really feeling like she made the right choice by working there.

Kelsie is loving her business courses...don't know whose child she is :)

After 2 days of looking, trying on what seemed like hundreds of dresses...Carli found a dress!!! It is very beatiful and very Carli. It will be fun to plan this wedding...here we go again!! Ted was right when the first words out of his mouth when Kelsie was born were ... "three weddings...."

Now the fun will be to find bridesmaids dresses to fit a variety of girls.

This really was a great weekend with everyone home...the empty nesters still like to have the kids around.

More Good News!

It is so nice to get more good news...Carli's chest x-ray was clear!!! And the amazing thing for her is that Dr. Stallings says that she can have an x-ray instead of a CT scan in 3 months. No "the nasty" for maybe 6 months!!

Carli and Jeremy are trying to figure out when and where to get married...so many choices...some here and some in Michigan. Will be interesting to see what they decide. If money and time were no option...it would probably be on a beach somewhere!

Carli's Engaged!!

What a whirlwind weekend we had...I have known for some time that Jeremy was going to propose...I had seen the ring, etc...I'm surprised that he kept it a secret!! He planned a romantic day at the Dunes in Michigan (they were up there all week helping at Camp and doing fun things and visiting his family)and then came back to a picnic dinner on his parent's pontoon boat and candles lighting the way on the Camp pier...which is where they met...and where he got down on his knee to propose...

She was surprised, and was surprised when Ted and I showed up to greet them when they returned to the Braun home. We had a great weekend there relaxing and enjoying the Braun family.

The ring is very beautiful, simple, just what she wanted. They are both still grinning from ear to ear! No date for the wedding as of yet...maybe next August...which will be Ted and my 30th anniversary!

What a difference a year makes...continue to pray...she had a chest x-ray on Monday, and will see Dr. Stallings tomorrow. She is feeling good, and will return to Grove City College on Sunday. Kelsie returns on Saturday. It will be hard to finally be empty nesters.

Thought some photos would be nice!

Carli and Jeremy are in Michigan this week. Helped in the kitchen at Camp Friendenswald and now Carli is looking at a PT program at Andrews University. Today they were doing some canoeing. Sounds like fun before she has to hit the books again!

Our family guests left last evening. Is always sad to see them go, especially since they live in Hawaii and coming to visit is no easy feat! We had a great time with 60 members of the extended family here on Saturday. The weather was beautiful, the visiting very nice and we saw some relatives that we hadn't seen in a long time! It is always so great to get together and such a nice time. We are so fortunate to have wonderful families.

Work started yesterday for me...I don't know where the summer went...

Carli has a chest x-ray and appointment with Dr. Stallings next week. Keep her in your prayers.

We're back!! Had a wonderful time in Santa Rosa de Copan. Carli had told us that she wasn't coming to the airport, but she surprised us!! Not hard to spot her in the midst of Honduran faces! She looked great, very tan, her hair has grown, and she seemed to have boundless energy! I think that she forgot that we are not used to walking miles upon hilly miles-she sure made sure we got our exercise~

We saw the painting that our church youth group completed at the hospital...quite a task...it looks great. We went with them to the town of Gracias and Saturday to the Myan ruins. Very interesting and very hot and humid. On Sunday we travelled to Tela, a quaint little town on the coast. It is absolutely beautiful, and was a nice place to relax. On Tuesday we took a small boat to Punta Sal, walked through the rain forest, and spent time on a little secluded beach. The ride back in the boat was a killer...the ocean really churns up by afternoon and it was scary! I think that I was the only one that was afraid...the kids loved it!

The week flew by, and it was hard for Carli to say her good-byes. WE were very impressed by how much Spanish she really knew. She hopes to go back some day and see her new friends. She was detained at the airport and they made her pay $120 to exit the country...quite a scam as we only had to pay $34. She is mad, and hopefully can contact the embassy to see if they can return some of her money as this is not the usual way it happens. We'll see...

Ted's family will all be here this weekend...very nice as one brother is from Hawaii, the other from NJ and we don't all get together very often.

Almost packed and ready to go...we are driving to Detroit tonight for a 6am flight. I am getting excited! Things have been so hectic and I've been worried about my dad and having the house ready for family guests that I haven't really stopped to think about it! Neighbors of ours just returned from Santa Rosa and they saw Carli and said that she looked good. That was very nice to hear!!

We'll be sure to post about the trip...pray for travel and food/water safety please!! Also, pray that Jeremy's knee doesn't cause him too much discomfort...

Be sure to check out Carli's blog...it's a long one this time!! She seems to be realizing that she was meant to be in Santa Rosa this summer, even though she didn't always feel like she was doing much. It will take her a while to readjust to life in the US. I think that it is harder coming back than it is going. It is always good to realize how wonderful we have it here and all of the things that we take for granted. I wish that everyone could have the experience so that we as a society would quit whining!

My dad is back home but not doing well. Please pray for us as we try to figure out what is best for him.

Please be in prayer for my dad...he fell today at his house and had to use his medical alarm as he couldn't get up...they squaded him to Dunlap and found some labwork (kidney tests and electrolytes) was out of whack, so they kept him. His legs have been getting progressively weaker the past few weeks and today he said his knees just buckled. He is trying everything not to have to go back to the nursing home. His PCP is out of town, of course, so someone that doesn't know him is taking care of him. HIs medical history is quite extensive...hopefully they will get to the bottom of his weakness. Pray for acceptance for him and patience for all of us. Thanks!

Just a reminder...Carli's blog address is carlihonduras.blogspot.com

She updated today and sounds like she is really getting to see the country. I can't wait...

Tara had an interesting "small world" experience today. She was at the dentist making small talk with the hygienist, when she found out that the girl was originally from Wooster. Tara thought that she would know me from working at the high school, and when she said my name the hygienist said "is Carli your sister?" It was Erin Pycraft, Carli used to date her brother!! So, Tara updated her on Carli and said that it was so funny to run into someone in downtown Columbus that knew us! Just another reason why I say that you always have to be on your best behavior...you never know who is paying attention!!

Jeremy had a great week at camp and said that now he knows that youth ministry is what he is supposed to do. He and Kelsie went tubing on Sunday, it is fun to watch her with a "brother" since this is fairly new to her! It is different than with Todd as she is here with Jeremy without Carli being around. She has abrasions on her elbows to prove that she can keep up with him!

Carli called yesterday but talked to Ted. They spent the weekend at Tela which is on the coast. She said that it is amazing, and wants us to try to go there when we visit. Since it is close to where our flight leaves, we will probably try to spend the last couple of days there. I am really getting excited thinking of seeing her and watching how much she has learned about the language and the people. I can imagine it will be hard for her to reacclimate to Ohio and Pennsylvania!!

Carli called again yesterday...they ended up just staying and exploring Santa Rosa for the weekend. She was happy just to relax and catch up for the weekend. When I asked her what she wants to eat when she gets home, she said without hesitation, "steak". And she doesn't normally eat much red meat! She loves the food, but said that there isn't much, if any, red meat and that it will taste good. I'm sure that she will be in the mood for a Dari-Ette cheeseburger, too!!

Jeremy is on his way to Camp Friedenswald for the week. He will be Camp pastor for the 5/6 grade campers. He is taking 2 fifth grade girls from our church...wish that I could be a little mouse in the car! They will either be in awe and not say much, or talk his leg off!! Growing up with 3 brothers, this should be an interesting time for him.

We are back from a week in Hilton Head and it flew! Was so nice to have Tara, Todd, and Kelsie with us. Todd could only stay until Tuesday evening and flew home, but he did manage to get in some great golfing while he was there.

Carli called twice while we were gone, and it was soooo good to talk to her. I can't imagine what parents used to go through before cell phones and email. It is nice because I can hear things in her voice that you can't tell via email. I think that she is doing well, but it is still frustrating for her not to be able to communicate like she wishes she could. I know that by the end of her time there she will be doing fine...she will probably want to go back again because she will finally be speaking Spanish. I am so jealous b/c I know about 5 words that aren't English.

Please continue to pray for her health and safety. Also for Kim, too!!

I know that there are some great prayer warriors that check this site...please keep Lisa (Pike) and Dan Christy in your prayers...Dan left for Iraq yesterday...they have only been married for 1 1/2 years. She is Tara's best friend from Grove City and was Tara's Maid of Honor. She is a great friend and a strong Christian, but no one can prepare you for watching your husband go off to war. They live in Texas now, so she is far away from her family here in Ohio. Please pray for Dan's safety, as he drives tanks!

Carli called again yesterday and I couldn't get to my cell in time. So,she left a voice message and said that she will try again in a few days. I miss her so much.

Carli called yesterday afternoon and it was good to hear her voice. She is feeling better, but still not eating much. I could hear in her voice that she is tired. Hopefully she will perk up soon!

The most frustrating thing for her is the language barrier. She said that she would like to be able to ask more questions of the therapist that she is working with. But with hours of Spanish lessons each evening, I'm sure that she will be communicating soon.

I was in Columbus at Tara and Todd's for a few days and just found out today after church that Carli has been sick. I am so thankful that Kim is down there with her, because she called Kathy (CAMO's founder) and Kathy had a physician from CAMO see Carli. We had sent some Cipro with her, so she started that and I guess that she is starting to feel better. Keep her health and Kim's health in your prayers. Moms just worry about such things when they are hundreds of miles away and have no control.

Cell phones are great when they work...but mine doesn't pick up Carli's phone calls when I am in my office at work...so this morning she called and it didn't go through...and she had to leave a voice mail! I was soooo disappointed!! But, she said that they got to Santa Rosa OK and were going to find out about their work sites. She sounded good but said that she was tired...

She will be starting work every day at 7am, has a lunch break, and then to a different job from 1-5. Then 2 hours of Spanish lessons...will be long days for her. But, the weekends are free and then she will have time to rest or travel...gee, wonder which she will do?? Ha!

Jeremy drove Carli and Kimberly Yoder to the Detroit airport Friday night. Their flight left soon after 6am. Carli called from Houston to say that they made it that far...haven't heard anything since they arrived in Honduras.

We have had Carli around so much in the past year that it will be hard not to see her for 9 weeks! I felt like a part of me was gone after they left...I didn't think that it would bother me so much. It does help that Ted and I have been to Santa Rosa, but a lot has changed since we were there in '94 and '95. I just hope that she doesn't take her health for granted.

She starts work tomorrow morning bright and early. I hope that she has time and access to a computer so that she can update her blog. I will continue to update this one if there is anything of interest, otherwise now we can update by reading her blog! how fun!!

Carli's Blog Site

Carli is running around trying to figure out what to take with her to Honduras. It's hard to believe that she will be leaving on Saturday.

She created a blog site to update us while she is in Honduras. The address is: carlihonduras.blogspot.com.

It will be fun to read of her adventures! I hope that she can get to a computer frequently. Please continue to pray for safe travels.

GOOD NEWS!!!!

After a 2 1/2 hour wait in the doctor's office, at least the news was good!!! PTL!! I was beginning to worry that we had waited so long because he was keeping us till the end to take more time with us...but that wasn't the case! He was just behind d/t the holiday, and they were crazy busy trying to fit in all of the chemo people who usually come in on Mondays. So, that was needless worrying on my part. I keep praying for peace, and it just doesn't completely come to me!

He came in the room with a big smile and said that all is clear. He said that he was concerned about a spot in her upper right abdomen from the last CT, but in going over it with other radiologists, and comparing this CT, he thinks that it is NOT lymhpoma. He just talked again about staying healthy, especially concerning her heart d/t the effects of the Adriamycin. But, she is heart conscious already, so hopefully will not be a problem in the future. She is up to running up to 2 miles, and feels good, so that was encouraging to Dr. S.

He wants to see her when she returns from Honduras and will do a chest x-ray at that time. Then another CT around Thanksgiving. He will see her every 3 months for 2 years, and then every 6 months until 5 years has passed. I am still going to need prayers, as I said before, I still do not have complete peace about this whole thing. I think that it is just part of being a Mom. I do think it is ironic, however, that in my reading through the Bible I am now in the Psalms. I guess not ironic, but another sign of God's timing.

Carli is definitely more calm than me...on the way there this morning she said "let's just say we're going to visit friends"...and she did get to see her favorite nurse, Debbie, so we did see friends!! :)

Then we went out to lunch ( it was 2pm and we were hungry!) and then to WalMart to get her "supplies" for her trip. I can't believe that she will be leaving on Saturday already. Prayers for safe travel and health while she is in Honduras are coveted. I will try to keep you all posted when I hear from her this summer. She will have access to email, so that will be great.

TARA PASSED HER STATE BOARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First time, and the computer shut off after 75 questions, the least amount that you can do...which means she did really well...she is so excited!!

Carli made it through the CT with some nausea and bad memories, but it's over and now we wait...I am reading the Psalms and they say it just how I am feeling...my emotions are all over the place! One minute I am very calm, the next worried, the next a little crazy. Just like David!

Tara took her State Boards today...I feel that she passed...but she won't know until next Tuesday. What a day...finding about the CT and sTate Boards...both can be life-changing!!

So, be thinking of Carli on Tuesday at 11 am, and of Tara as she waits to get her results...wow.

Carli has her CT scan at 2pm tomorrow. Please pray that she will still be in remission!

The photo is of the contrast that she has to drink today and tomorrow...she hates it and it makes her sick...so she labelled it :)

Carli and Kelsie are now home...with all of their stuff...and appetites...and laundry...I kind of forget what it was like to have everyone home! We still don't seem to have any extra time...not sure what's up with that!

Carli has met with Kathy from CAMO and Kristen who is finishing her PhD in PT at Walsh. So, the plans for the summer in Honduras are coming together, and she did real well this semester at GCC, so the future in PT looks bright.

Carli will be working with handicapped/special needs kids in Santa Rosa along with a licensed PT. What great experience! Hopefully will look good on her resume and application to PT school.

PLEASE BE IN PRAYER FOR HER ON MONDAY and the week to follow. She has another CT scan on Monday, and won't find out results until the following Tuesday. That doesn't seem to bother her...but it makes ME crazy!! I am still trying to trust God for her future, and not worry about what "might" be. Consider the lillies of the field...and the sparrow...how could He not have what's best in mind for CARLI??

We went out to dinner last night and then stopped at my dad's. He got an electric scooter to ride around the neighborhood, and Carli went on a test drive. We laughed so hard at her riding around OrrVilla on her 3 wheeled scooter. Ted is thinking that maybe we could get one and not have to replace my car...funny guy...

Hopefully we will hear from her this summer and I can post updates for anyone who is interested. If she has access to the internet, maybe she can post some updates, too. Please pray for a good CT so her plans do not have to come to a halt again! Thanks in advance :)

Carli's commissioning at GCC

The commissioning service during chapel today at GCC was very nice. 8 students are going on mission adventures for the whole summer, and their expenses are paid for by the "Red Box Mission" program at GCC. They are going to China, Romania, Ireland, Romania, and I forget where else! Carli did not have them mention anything about why she had to postpone her trip to AFrica...she really doesn't want anyone to know if they don't already. She said that it was nice today because last year everyone was very sad for her and many stopped to pray for her...not that she minded the prayers, but she just didn't want sympathy.

We took the girls out to lunch, Carli's roomie went along as the Gerber daughter #4, and then they had a sorority meeting so we went to the outlets for a few minutes and then home. What a whirlwind weekend!

Tara's graduation!

We had a great day at Tara's graduation from the BSN program at Capital University. It is hard to believe that she is now going to sit for her boards, hopefully pass the first time, and take a "real" job at the James Cancer Center. Wow. We are so proud of her, and of Todd for his patience while she worked and studied. She made some great friends and her preceptor from Riverside was there with her little girl. Then for dinner we went with Tom and Susan to a great Greek restaurant in Powell, Ohio. Yum! All in all, a very happy day!

Not being technilogically savy, I tried to download a photo from Carli and Kelsie's All College Sing, but I couldn't get it to work. I'll try again after I ask how to do it! That was the only bummer of the day...Carli and Kelsie sang tonight with their sorority. The evening is always a lot of fun, and is part of the GCC Parent's weekend. We are going out to GCC tomorrow for Carli's commissioning for her Red Box Mission Trip to Honduras this summer. It is hard to be everywhere at once! This was Carli's last time and Kelsie's first time to sing...bittersweet!

Relay for Life

Carli and Kelsie are walking during the night for Relay for Life. GCC is doing it, and their sorority is participating. Carli did NOT want to walk the survivor lap, as she said that many students don't know that she had lymphoma and she doesn't want to be the "girl with cancer". I thought that she would be proud to be a "survivor"...however, she said that she would like the word "conqueror" better. I think that I understand, but can I REALLY ever understand? She is walking with another girl from GCC (named Beth!) who is also a lymphoma survivor. I hope that it is meaningful for them to walk together. Beth helped Carli in many ways in dealing with things at school.

So, the next time you hear cancer "survivor", think of Carli as a "conqueror"!!!!

Tara has a job!

Tara is so excited about a job opportunity that she has been offered at the James Cancer Center in Columbus. Getting a job at the "James" is hard to do for a new grad, and she was fortunate to get an intership that offers classroom instruction as well as working with nurses in different areas of the cancer center. I feel that she will really be good in this area as she just finished up working on an oncology floor at Riverside Hospital and loved it. She doesn't start until August, so probably will work with Andrew until then. God is at work again, using her experience with Grandma and Carli to help others. Wow.

Kelsie is participating in Relay for Life at GCC with her sorority. If anyone is interested in donating, her email is gerberkj1@gcc.edu. These fundraisers sure are taking on new meaning for our family. She has her "gala" this weekend, kind of like a grown up prom. I hope that they have decent weather!

Carli is in Michigan with Jeremy as it is his 25th birthday TODAY! I'm sure that his parents are happy to see them and spend his quarter century anniversary together.

One Year Anniversary

I really have mixed emotions when I think back to a year ago. My first emotion is one of sadness and frustration for Carli, for time lost, for doubts, for pain, for scars, for questions, for fear of the unknown. I even grieve her hair loss, even though she looks adorable now.
Then my emotions turn to thankfulness and joy, that today she is whole and ready to take on the world. I should have written down every way that we have see God at work, and then I could battle the times when my initial emotions rule. As a friend put it, I am caught waiting for the "other shoe to drop". Even though I know that Jesus knows my heart and I can ask for my heart's desire, I know that His ways are not always mine. I continue to pray for wholeness for Carli-whole body, mind, and spirit. Please continue to pray with me.......
I feel that I can now help others who face cancer with friends and loved ones. I have had so many ask me what they can do for someone facing this horrible diagnosis, and I say a thankful prayer for each one of you who prayed, sent cards, cooked meals and visited Carli when I talk to them. Thanks for ministering to our family, and I hope that this will help us be Jesus here on Earth for others.
Our friends and family are amazing! Just had to say that once again....

It is amazing when I look back over the past year. It is such a blessing that we don't know the future...why anyone thinks that is a good idea is beyond me! If we would have known the path that we would have to take a year ago, I don't know how we would have handled it! All we really need to know is that God is in control, and none of this will matter in eternity. Eternity...I can't fathom.

I still marvel at Tara running a race for the LLS before Carli was even diagnosed. God even works in fundraising! :)

Tara finished her half-marathon! 13.1 miles...wow. Carli and her roommate Rachel, Ted and I , and Todd got to watch her on her course and then at the finish line. We are so proud of her! She didn't even look that winded, and was moving around better than we were this afternoon! We had a great day, all went out to lunch, and even gave Rachel the grand tour of the OSU campus. We might turn her into a Buckeye fan yet!

Woo Hoo!!

Carli's port is GONE!! History!! I drove to Grove City, picked her up, and off we went to Clarion, PA. Met Jane for lunch, felt bad b/c Carli wasn't allowed to eat much (she had applesauce and cottage cheese) before her surgery. She was very brave, and it helped that she knows Craig so well. It was intereting really getting to see how it was positioned in her chest and what it really looks like. We were surprised at how heavy it is and how long/big the catheter is. I told Carli that I know that they showed us a "model" when she had it put in, but I was in shock at that time and couldn't even think of any questions to ask. The numbing hurt, but after that she could only feel pressure in her chest. Now she just has to protect the incision, because he revised her scar and wants it to heal nicely. THANK YOU CRAIG!!

It is a nice purple color and kind of heart shaped...I told her that she should make a pendant out of it :)

She also got her hair cut where Jane gets hers done, and the lady didn't charge her for her "first haircut"...what a morale booster right before surgery!

Carli, in her Mennonite way, said that she wishes that she could sterilize it and donate it to someone that can't afford one...nice thought...but instead she took it with her and I'm sure that her friends will either be impressed or disgusted! Her sister was getting whoozy hearing us talk about it at dinner.

It was so weird having them both with me and then seeing them BOTH walking into the dorm...when did my little girls grow up?

Ever since our computer crashed, I can't get pictures to download to this blog...if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know, because I am so disappointed...I took some great shots today!

We are home from a great week at Hilton Head Island. We were with friends from Orrville, and Tara! She had off this week and needed some relaxation, too. Her life has been pretty hectic with school, clinicals and a job. We had fun relaxing and not having a schedule to follow!

It was nice that Carli and Jeremy were here when we got home this morning. We drove all night, so we weren't exactly chipper, but we went to the Dari-Ette for lunch and had fun listening to Carli tell about her week in Belize and then watched her photos. What a wonderful experience for her. And to think that almost one year ago we were not sure that we would be rejoicing with her now...God is good...thanks for all of your prayers for safety for her...

Please pray for her on Tuesday...I am going out and picking her up, then we are going to Clarion and Craig is going to remove her port and revise her scar. Please pray for steady hands for Craig and a quick, painless recovery for Carli. We are so blessed to have Jane and Craig in our lives. God knew about this when I decided to transfer to Ohio Wesleyan University over 30 years ago!

So far, so good! Sounds like the group is working hard and having a good time. Continue to pray that God will be glorified and that the group will return safely.

Again we are reminded of the fragility of life. We went to the funeral of a dear friend from our church today. He spoke volumes through his quiet smile. Caleb would check up on my dad and make sure that he was doing OK. We are so blessed to have garden houses that Caleb made from wood and slate from the barn on our family farm. He also made picture frames and other things that he donated to our Thanksgiving Sale at Salem. This winter, when his health did not permit him to be out and about much, he shelled many bags of walnuts that our trees produced. His wife, Joyce, said that last week he wanted her to be sure to get the rest of our walnuts to us! Many hours spent on a tedious task, but Caleb worked steadily until they were done. He will be greatly missed. Keep Joyce and their family in your prayers.

But, even in the midst of sadness, tomorrow is Easter Sunday and knowing that by the Grace of God we have eternal life is reason for rejoicing! Have a blessed Easter!

4 weeks and counting

A note from TARA:

Exactly 4 weeks from today I will be running the Capital City Half-Marathon. Even though I've had almost 5 months of training it's hard to believe that the time is almost here. I wanted to take the time to let all of you know how much your support has meant to me. I truly couldn't have done it without you. I pledged to the Leukemia and Lymphoma society that I would raise $1200 of which over 75% would go directly to the LLS. I was able to raise more than that $1200, which means that each additional dollar over that amount goes 100% to the society- and a large majority of which goes to the families of those diagnosed with Leukemia or Lymphoma.

Training is at it's most intense with a run of 10 miles tomorrow and 12 miles next week...and combined with school and work it's kept me busy. But I'm training with a great group of coaches and teammates so I've been enjoying it! Keep me in your thoughts and prayers as the next month goes by. I'll have 13.1 miles to reflect on this time and the reason I'm running during the race on April 12th. Thanks again to everyone!

Tara

p.s. If anyone would still like to make a donation you can learn more at my fundraising webpage http://www.active.com/donate/tntcoh/tntcohTAnders1

Blog postings from Belize

Carli's group is going to be posting a blog while in Belize. If interested in following their adventures, log on to : www.icobelize2008.blogspot.com

They are on their way...left Pittsburgh this morning at 7:30 for Houston, leave Houston for Belize and arrive around 2:40 in Belize. Then they have an hour and a half ride to their village. Pray for safe travels and safe eating!

Kelsie is coming home for her spring break today, will be nice to have her around!

Carli just sent this site that explains where her group from school is going. Please log on to http://boonetown.com/video/video-1.htm

Belize is such a beautiful country, but has so many needs. Thank you everyone for your prayers on Carli's behalf! She'll have to post some photos upon her return...stay posted!!

Carli was home for a bit yesterday...mainly to get things for her trip to Belize. She is very excited and can't wait to go. She is the co-leader of the group so has added responsibilities. These mission trips are planned entirely by the students which gives them lots of great experiences and it is really "their" trip.
She looks really good and is feeling better. Last week she wasn't feeling well and that made me pretty nervous. What used to be simple symptoms of college life now are enough to send up warning signals. I will never think of fever and fatigue the same again. I am just thankful that she is feeling better and that it probably was just a virus or lack of sleep. She had a sorority party Friday night, and said that it is hard for her to focus on the fun things as before because she has such different priorities now. I really hadn't thought of some of the things that she is struggling with.
Pray for her this week as she has a couple of very important exams. I know that she will drive herself crazy as one of them is chemistry and she is trying to hard to do well because her grade will be averaged with the F that she had to take last spring when she had to drop out.
Also pray that the final plans for her mission trip to Belize go well...and that she will stay healthy...and that this trip will be life-changing and a time for spiritual growth...and for travel mercies. They leave from Pittsburgh on Saturday. Thanks!!

I just read a great book that should be required reading for all people in the medical profession. The title is Strong at the Broken Places-voices of illness, a chorus of hope. It is written by Richard M. Cohen (Meredith Viara's husband who has MS and has had colon cancer twice). It offers insight by 5 people who are living with fatal, chronic and mental illnesses. Richard learned to know these folks and interviewed them over a period of time and really delved deep into what makes them tick. The overall theme was that they are not their disease and struggle to make it in a world that really doesn't understand and treat them like normal people. Lots to think about...they all said that they can always think of people that are worse off than they are (even though 3 of them are terminal). Sure gives you lots to ponder...and made me realize how blessed we really are...

We had a MARVELOUS time on Saturday! I really recommend seeing "Wicked". I didn't know what to expect, especially with that title! It is so good, funny, but with a great message. The costumes and the sets were amazing. It didn't have any foul language or sexual content...very rare for a popular musical these days! It was 3 hours long, so we went straight to dinner afterwards (after taking a wrong turn...oops). We went to Bahama Breeze...if you've never been there, I recommend that, too! We had great food and laughed a lot. I tried to add photos, but am unsuccessful. When I figure out what I did wrong, I'll post them!

Then, as if we didn't have enough to eat, we wanted to continue the fun...so we drove home via Canton and went to Taggert's for ice cream! Jeremy met us there, and we all had more than we needed, but had so much fun. It was so nice to laugh and have a good time with the girls...and cancer wasn't in the conversation! Yea!

Please continue to pray that Carli can relax and enjoy college without thinking of what might lie ahead. We all need to keep trusting that God is in control, no matter what. That is still hard even though her first scan was clear! She is now trying to plan on when to have her port removed...Craig is going to do it for her...she might wait until after Belize so that she won't have to worry about the incision.

The girls are home for their "spring break"...only Thursday through Sunday, but I'll take what I can get! I had parent/teacher conferences on Thursday night, but was so blessed with a snow day on Friday. Yea! Without that I really wouldn't have seen them much. Carli went to lunch with her friend that is going through chemotherapy. She was so impressed that Rachel can be in public without anything on her bald head. She has such confidence. Pray for her as her counts were too low this week to get her chemo.

Kelsie and I went shopping...which is very rare for her since she doesn't like to shop. (I know...where did she come from?). She has a couple of dances coming up and needed dresses. Grove City is a wonderful place...Kelsie wants dresses!! Her sorority is busy with social acitivities as well as fundraising for things like the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society. She also talks about Bible studies...which they call "Jesus Parties". What a hoot. (No pun intended...their mascot is the owl).

Kelsie is concerned about Carli studying too hard and worrying about her health in the future. It is my prayer that God knew what He was doing when he put Kelsie at Grove City, too. I really think that she will be good for Carli and good for Mom's peace of mind. Carli is still trying to figure out her life from here...how to get in all of the courses that she needs and get the grades needed to apply to PT school. Kelsie talked with an engineering prof that Carli knows and he really helped her. She is still planning on staying in engineering..we'll see how that goes!

We are going to see "Wicked" today as a family...Tara is home, too. Can't wait!!

This empty nest thing really has it's ups and downs. On one hand, it it nice not to have any schedule to keep straight except mine and Ted's, on the other hand, I really miss having the girls around...Ted's schedule keeps him away at either work or meetings much of the time. I have not found myself lacking for things to do, however.

I think that Carli and her friends are having a little bit of a rough time transitioning to her being back at school. Many of her good friends graduated last year, and the friends that are still at GCC don't always know how to relate to her. She definitely is NOT the same person that left GCC last April...priorities are so different for her now than most college kids...she finds it hard when girls complain about things that Carli sees as trivial...but isn't that human nature? We are all in different stages of the journey, and some folks have had more uphill battles than others. Most kids her age have not had to face the possibility of dying, and they don't know how to relate to someone who has been in that position. Please pray for Carli to have patience with those who don't quite "get it", and for her friends to be accepting and patient with her, too!

Keep my dad in your prayers as he is being "set free" from the nursing home on Monday. There are many things to consider before he can be at home on his own. My sister, Susan, is going to stay with him a few days until we see if he can do everything that he needs to do. He is still very short of breath with any activity, which is a concern. Medications are still being adjusted and we are hoping for the right combination!

I still am very thankful for our church family who has been visiting my dad and uplifting his spirits. God continues to bless our family, and I pray that He will be real to those who continue to read my ramblings!!

I think that it is just now sinking in! It is so neat to see how many people were praying and thinking of her...the smiles, excitement and joy are so much fun! So many people mentioned dancing for joy...that's so cool!

I haven't talked to her today, I'm sure that she is on cloud nine. I'm sure that all of her friends at school are excited. She called her good friend and roommate last night and exclaimed "I get to stay with you the rest of the year!!". It was so cute.

Pray for her continued health and protection. This being cold and flu season, I have pounded into her head about washing her hands (what is a school nurse mom for, if it isn't to pound handwashing into your head??). Her blood counts are back up into a more normal range, so at least her immune system is improving.

Thanks again for all of your prayers and support. It will be fun now to keep you all informed of her healthy progress!! God is good.

GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!

I KNOW THAT WHEN YOU USE CAPS TO COMMUNICATE THAT IT MEANS THAT YOU ARE SHOUTING...WELL I AM....CARLI'S SCAN DID NOT SHOW ANY SIGNS OF LYMPHOMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't think that I have ever been so relieved...and thankful...and I can't even describe it...

Carli was so calm. She had emailed me that she had plans for whatever news we got, and that she knew that whatever the outcome that she would be all right. She had such peace...that can only come from God! I wish that I would have had that kind of peace...but when you are facing that kind of news with a child it is undescribable how you feel. I don't think that it has truly sunk in yet...

Dr. STallings gave her the OK to go to Belize over spring break. A few months ago I wouldn't have believed that this would be possible. She is excited! She is co-leading the group, and the plans were all working out well, so she figured that if God was taking care of those details, that He meant for her to go!! Such faith!!

Now for the only tricky part...she has another CT scan in 3 months. If that is OK, then she can wait for 6 months until the next one. She will do this for a few years and then considered free from lymphoma. So, the praying does NOT STOP now!! Cancer has a funny way of creeping up in your thoughts...

So, Dr. S. said that she can have her port removed. Yippee!! They accessed it today and it hurt, but she didn't vomit this time when they flushed it. Another reason to be thankful! I feel like shouting (like they do on Extreme Home Makeover...move that bus!)...remove that port!!

Thanks again for all of the prayers and thoughts, food (thanks Diann!) and all of the things that I am forgetting. She is excited to continue on at Grove City College and be a normal college student!! PTL!!!!!

I opened my Bible expecting to turn to another scripture, and this is where it opened...Psalm 57.

"Have mercy on me , O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge.
I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.

I cry out to God Most High, to God,
who fulfills his purpose for me.
He sends from heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me;
God sends His LOVE and His FAITHFULNESS...

For great is Your love, reaching to the heavens;
Your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
let your glory be over all the earth.

Enough said! (my words!!)

I feel like we're on a countdown...only 46 more hours until the results.

A remarkable woman of faith, whose daughter was Carli's friend and killed in a car accident 5 years ago, brought me a book that helped her to focus on God after their tragedy. I highly recommend it for anyone going through trials (and which one of us isn't?? that is what life on this earth is about...). It is titled When God is Silent by Charles Swindoll. It is about Job and how he endured heartbreak, pain and rejection. He felt that God was silent. Yet through it all he stayed faithful and kept his focus on God. Wow. What a lesson!

A couple of things really stood out for me:
He has 3 practical statements that help us identify with Job's struggle-
1-There are days too dark for the sufferer to see the light
2-there are experiences too extreme for the hurting to have hope
3-there are valleys too deep for the anguished to find relief.

There were times when I could really relate to the above. I would have rather taken Carli's pain and nausea upon myself, but knew that wasn't an option. I learned so much from her when her faith was unwavering...

So, knowing that God is mysterious and appears to be silent, we DO know that He is trustworthy. In the book, he lists 3 lessons that we can learn from the Bible:
1-resist the temptation to explain everything. GOD KNOWS. The people that didn't try to explain her illness or how it might impact her were the most comforting.
2-focus on the future benefits, not the present pain. GOD LEADS. Carli said that
not one person that had experienced treatment for lymphoma said that they would
like to change their circumstances.
3-embrace the sovereignty of the Almighty; GOD CONTROLS.

We can ask God for healing, we can tell Him the desires of our hearts. But He ultimately decides our future, and I am so thankful that I don't have to be the one in control! When I think of past situations, God certainly worked things out better than I ever could have!

We learn by our trials. We are "refined by fire". We are not without hope! No matter what results we get on Tuesday, we are in God's hands. I am trusting in God to have worked through the chemo-we know that she is so much better than a year ago! But no matter what the results, we will get through this with the help of our family and friends.

This journey is by no means over after results on Tuesday. Even a good report means lots of testing for at least the next 5 years, surgery for the removal of the port, and having "cancer" in the back of your mind whenever any symptoms of any kind come up. That is the hard part-and where faith REALLY comes in.

Another thanks to all of you who keep us in your thoughts and your prayers. You have helped us so much!

Carli and Jeremy had a great weekend at camp. Jeremy's parents live near-by, so they had a nice visit with them. Today went rather smoothly, she only got nauseated for a brief time during the injection. She was happy that they couldn't use her port for the injection...she would rather have an IV started as she gets sick when they flush her port. She is looking forward to the day when she can have her port removed and the scar revised. It is rather ugly to her and is visible when she wears tank tops. This won't be quite as much of an issue until spring/summer. The changes that she has endured with such grace don't seem like much, but when you think of hair loss and scars in your neck and chest at age 22, it is a lot to handle. We are just praying that there are no other lasting side effects...

Today I said that I wish that we could get the results sooner than next week, and she said that she is just as happy waiting...I think that she just wants to be as normal as she can be for as long as she can be. She also said that if she has to drop out of school again for a stem cell transplant, so be it. She is just happy that it won't mean any more chemotherapy. I can't imagine how awful chemo must have been for her to say that. I don't think that anyone that hasn't gone through this can even have a glimpse as to how it feels and what it does to you physically, emotionally and spiritually.

She got an "A" for her intercession course, and that was very encouraging for her. She said that she didn't realize how sick she was last year, because now she gets up for class, has energy and can focus during her classes. If we had only known earlier how sick she was. But I am so happy that she is feeling so much better now--please keep praying for good results next Tuesday!!

"I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid." John 14:27

Tomorrow is the big day, although not as big as getting the results on Feb. 5. Carli and Jeremy are are their way back from Camp Friedenswald as I am writing this. She didn't call this weekend, so I am just assuming that they had a good time!

My dad is now settled in to Brennfield Nursing Home for a few weeks for PT and OT. Hopefully he will be able to return to his home and live independently again. He is discouraged at having to be in the nursing home, but at least his breathing seemed better today. Everyone there has been very nice, and he said that the food is good (that is the important thing to the Kohler family!!).

Thanks to everyone for their concern, thoughts, meals and prayers. I am being redundant when I say that we couldn't get through this without our faith, our friends and our family, but it is so true. We just put Carli in God's hands...

As of this morning, we are now empty nesters. How does that happen? One day you have 3 little girls running around, and the next they are all off doing their own thing. I must admit that it is a little harder than I expected. Throwing lymphoma and an ailing father in the mix sure doesn't help.

Carli says that she is doing "fine" and that she will be "fine". I am so glad that she has a good attitude and is excited to be back at school. It is nice knowing that Kelsie will be there, too, to let me know if there is anything that Carli isn't telling me! Not that Kelsie will be a snitch...but hopefully she will be if she needs to. Kelsie just emailed me and said that she is "going to die this semester". Her schedule is crazy hard...I hope that she decides what to do with her major BEFORE it kills her!!

My dad is slowly feeling better. He has a stress test this afternoon and then they will decide about the pacemaker. Sounds like they are pretty sure that they are going to insert one...then he will go to a nursing home for a while. He really doesn't want to, but we don't see any other way. Please pray for his healing and peace of mind. He is such a great guy, never complains...we are so blessed.

I just keep thanking God that this didn't happen during Carli's chemotherapy. One major thing at a time is enough right at the moment. I have to keep in mind that God knows the future...I don't have to...

Update

Dad is now home...they started him on Coumadin (a blood thinner to prevent a stroke) and changed his meds a little. His heart rate is better, but he is still in atrial fib/flutter. They don't know how long it has been like that. Brought him home late this afternoon, got his meds straightened out and left him in Susan's care. Visiting nurse is going to visit, too. He was really weak and very tired as he hadn't slept well in days.
The cardiologist's nurse said that he will see Dr. Tegtmeier in 4 weeks and then they will decide if they need to convert the heart rhythm or not. He will need to have frequent blood tests to monitor the coumadin. Please pray that between Susan, my other brothers and sister that we can keep this all straight! And that he will be strong enough to stay at home by himself...and strong enough to go back to his volunteer job at CAMO.
Carli emailed tonight and said that they got lots of snow...and she was bummed that she didn't have time to play in it! Thank God she is feeling good enough to even THINK of playing in the snow!!
I recently read a quote by C.S. Lewis that speaks to our struggles:
"God whispers to us in our pleasure, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world". I think that we've been roused! Now if I only will have the patience to listen...

Now it's my dad....

My dad has been very weak since Friday and unable to sleep due to being short of breath. So....took him to his family doc today who promptly sent him to the ER. From there they transferred him to Aultman Hospital in Canton, since that is where his cardiologist has privileges. He has an abnormal heart rhythm (atrial flutter) and congestive heart failure (which he has known about for a long time). As of tonight they are trying to decide how they are going to treat him, if at all. Otherwise, he looks pretty good and is not having any pain. Hopefully after more Lasix to get rid of fluid, he will be feeling better. The not so great part is that his cardiologist (whom we love) is on vacation! So it will take them a little longer to get things figured out. Hopefully we will know something by tomorrow.

My fear is that they will just send him home, and I am not sure that he will be able to take care of himself. So please pray that he will be strong enough...as he lives alone.

Carli looked good on Sunday...just saw her for a short time...intercession is harder than she thought...or at least is taking more time than she thought. She has her final exam on Saturday morning, and then is coming home and will take Kelsie back with her on Sunday. Let the empty nest begin.....

Carli called today and said that she has really been working hard. Her class has lots of reading and she said that this week she went to class, ate and studied. She hardly had time to leave her room! I wonder if it is hard for her to get back in the swing of studying...

She is in Canton tonight visiting with Jeremy and her friends Emily and Rob. She was in their wedding in November and hasn't seen them since. Carli and Jeremy are planning on coming to church in the morning, so it will be nice to see her and talk 1:1 about how she is REALLY doing.

Tara found out this week that she will be working on an oncology floor at Riverside Methodist Hospital in Columbus...she will be working with a preceptor and learning all that she can before she is done in May. I think that she will be able to bring a lot to her patients...and understanding that not everyone has. From now on it will be hard for her to have any time off...

Carli is back at Grove City!! When we were walking toward her dorm, she said "I'm back at school!!!!!!" and then did a little dance. It was nice to see her so happy. She is so glad that the friend that she had planned to room with in the fall was able to move in with her. Rachel is a very good friend and also in her sorority (she's her big sister) and they get along so well. So, Rachel was moving all of her things from her previous room and Carli was moving in all of her things...the room was still looking like a cyclone hit it when we left. Carli was tired, and hopefully she will get some sleep tonight. Her class starts tomorrow and she will have lots of reading, plus 4 hours of class a day.

Kelsie went with us and it was weird to bring her home again! She says that she is looking forward to 2 more weeks without studying. She is enjoying watching TV, which she doesn't have much time to do at GCC. Carli is planning on coming home in 2 weeks (to see Jeremy, not us!) and she will take Kelsie back to school. Will be very different for both of them to have their sister at school! Their rooms are in the same dorm, but the dorm is huge and they are on opposite sides. It's nice for me to know that they both have each other so close.

It was hard for me to leave Carli there, even though she was happy. I thought that I would be ready to let her go, but I guess I just got used to her being here. As her mom I worry about what she might ignore as far as her health is concerned. Hopefully she is smarter than that! She is also trying to figure out where she might go if she goes on the Red Box Mission trip that she was supposed to do last summer. We are thinking that Africa might not be the best in case she would need medical care.

Please continue to pray for good results on the 28th.

You don't realize how dependent you are on a computer until it's down. Ours is being fixed (we hope) and our wireless is not quite working. So, I log on with my work laptop whenever I can get the wireless to work. I am not computer savvy, so these things are beyond me!

Jeremy and Carli moved his things to Canton yesterday. He will be living with a guy that is now single again after losing his wife in a car accident 2 years ago. He is young and Jeremy says that he's real nice. Hopefully this will work out for both of them. Jeremy has an orientation tomorrow and then starts classes next week.

We will be moving Carli to Grove City tomorrow after church. She has everything packed and sitting in the living room. I am having many mixed emotions about her moving back. I am glad that she is moving on with her life, I am glad that we will have our house back again (her "nest" has been put away!), I am glad that she is feeling good enough to go back, I am glad that she seems happy and has more energy...but I am a mom and I worry about her. Her white blood count is very low, and she will have to be very careful especially during this cold and flu season. I am not sure that she understands the importance of staying away from germs right now. She has fortunately been as healthy as possible through this whole ordeal, and I don't want to see her get the typical illnesses that are floating around. Plus, it has been nice to have her around for these past 9 months-I will miss the cheerful greeting that I get when I come home from work! My emotions are on a roller-coaster.....

Kelsie will be home for 2 more weeks, so that will ease us into the empty nest situation. Hopefully I will have some time with her before she returns to school. Please pray for her as she is trying to decide what major to pursue...she is in engineering at the present, but is not sure it is really what she wants to do.

There are many stresses at the Gerber's this time of year..HEALTH, taxes, college payments, other payments....but then I received an email from friends in Kenya, and the situation there is very sad. Tribal wars and violence are taking place in areas that have been relatively calm, and families are being forced from their homes and there is not money to buy food. When I read this, I realize how fortunate we really are. We have a roof over our heads and food on the table. We are able to worship without fear. We have access to health care. And yet we whine and complain.....

So, "let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything that God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision-you'll see it yet!" Philippians 3:155 The Message.