2007 is flying by, and we are grateful for that! We sure are hoping that 2008 goes by a little more smoothly. But when we know that we are refined by fire, we realize that we have a lot to learn from our trials. I just pray that I am in tune enough to realize what it is I was supposed to learn. Maybe we will never know, and when we sit at Jesus' feet it won't really matter!

Jeremy returned here on Wednesday. He took some great black and white photos of our house and the farm and put them in a unique frame-very thoughtful. Yesterday he took Carli to see "White Christmas" at the Carousel Dinner Theater...they had a nice time. Then last evening was the huge Kohler Christmas. It was nice that she could actually enjoy the food and family this time.

Tonight she and Jeremy took Tara home to Columbus. They will return tomorrow morning as Jeremy's parents are coming to see Malone College and for his baptism at our church on Sunday morning. What a weekend! We are so thankful for our pastor, Darrell, who has been meeting with Jeremy. I really can't imagine how people get through traumatic circumstances without the kind of support and love that we have received from Darrell and DeeDee, his wife. It is so nice to see him have the privilege of the baptism...such a time for rejoicing after the storm that we have been through.
We can't thank him enough for his encouragement and understanding.

Enough of my blubbering...I hope that everyone is having time to enjoy family and friends!!!

Merry Christmas!!

Carli arrived home safely yesterday afternoon. She had a wonderful time with Jeremy's extended family. We are grateful that they love and accept her-she seems to feel right at home with them.

Kelsie's quote of the day..."don't you wish that life could be put to music?"

Last night we had a beautiful candle-lighting church service, then to my sister Lori's for the Kohler gift exchange. As always, there was plenty of good food! It was nice that Carli is finally feeling better and she could enjoy it.

Today was a great day. Tara had us all up and rolling and we opened gifts in the morning. Then we had the grandparents and Todd's family here for brunch. Ted's sister Carolyn and family came over in the afternoon. Was nice to see our nephew Dusty who is here from California, and his sister Amber who now lives in western Ohio.

Carli was so excited to give Ted a corn hole game that she and Jeremy made. They painted it OSU style, and we will no doubt have many happy hours playing this game. Folks who have it seem to get addicted!!

We had such a good time just being together today. We are blessed...and we wish everyone a very Merry Christmas! Jesus is the greatest gift of all...

Carli was still very tired and not feeling the greatest yesterday. But she did manage to be as domestic as I've ever seen her...and got most of her Christmas gifts finished. It was the first time that I have ever seen her at a sewing machine :)

We went out to dinner late last night, which wasn't the best thing for Carli to do...but it was her suggestion. Todd and Tara were home and we went to our favorite little restaurant in Massillon. Yum. But, she was up a lot last night with abdominal discomfort.

Against my judgement, she left for Indiana today for a holiday family gathering with Jeremy's family. I know that she was excited to give him his gift...I just hope that she is not too tired to enjoy it when she gets there!! I worry when she is on the road and not feeling her best. But, she is 22 and I no longer have any say in the matter!

Todd and Tara are in Grove City today for a wedding. Will be fun for them to see her college friends. Kelsie and I are hanging out...I am trying to put this house back in order. Carli had things EVERYWHERE....her "nest" in the family room, and stuff from her college room all over the place. So, that is what I am trying to get under control today, so we will have room for Christmas to take place!!

As we get closer to Christmas Day, I still feel like a little girl who can't wait for the big day. I am so grateful for everything that we have been given, and so thankful for the Grace of Jesus who forgives all of our human shortcomings. We have had a trying year, but we are looking ahead to 2008 with thankful hearts.

Again I have to thank every one of you who take the time to read this blog and keep Carli in your prayers. THANK YOU!!

Chemo #16

Finally the big day arrived. I thought that Carli would be relieved, instead she was more anxious than ever. She said that she couldn't be happy or celebrate until the end of the week when she felt human again. I just sat in the parking lot and cried. I don't think that she will ever truly know how this affects her parents. But, we took goodies to Dr. S's staff and everyone was cheering her on. Debbie gave her the chemo again, and was so supportive. She had tears in her eyes when we left...they have been really good to us. Hopefully we won't have to see them very many more times. The chemo was hard again, the red devil was from the devil, but I can only picture that it is working.

She talked Dr. S out of the Neulasta since it was her final treatment. At least she is not as achey as usual. But, her neck is still aching like before. Go figure. She will have her blood count and labwork done the beginning of January.

Her PET scan is scheduled for January 28. She will have to come home as they only do them one day/week at Wooster. It is a mobile unit...not sure where all it goes. I am praying for good weather so that there are no glitches...Dr. S said that we are not even going to think about stem cell transplant at this time...he also is hoping that the PET scan will be clear and Carli can move on...so it is encouraging that he is staying positive.

Kelsie is home...she certainly adds a dramatic flair to our otherwise quiet existence! We are frantically working on Christmas...Carli has had her creativity halted by chemo week...I have been helped by wonderful people bringing goodies (thanks, Janice!). My sister Lori was very sick over the weekend, and I feel badly that I can't be around her more...but since Carli didn't get the Neulasta we all have to be very mindful of not bringing "germs" into her life. (sorry, Lori!)

The Lord has brought me some great Christian friends at work and they are continually asking about Carli and supporting me. That is what is keeping me going on many days. I feel like I've dropped the ball with my poor job-shadow buddy Lana, but she is so understanding and has been picking up the slack. I am so THANKFUL for my job at Wooster City Schools that allows me to have time off over the holidays...pretty rare for a nurse!!! God certainly placed me in the position at least for the present time...my work schedule has allowed me to take Carli to chemo almost every session, and Jeremy has been here to help out...that was nice because he was more attentive than I am! God has been good in so many ways...

Carli has been working hard this week on Christmas gifts. It has been fun to watch her learning to do things that she has never done before, and I never thought that she would do! (I can't divulge any info...would give away what she has been up to!) She said tonight that it is so nice to be productive, instead of lying around. She feels like she wastes a lot of time when she is sick...so this week of feeling better and doing things that she enjoys was just what the doctor ordered!!

Tomorrow she is playing her flute in church to help accompany the adult choir. It is nice to hear her play again...it has been quite a long time since she has picked up her flute!

The end of chemo is in sight...that brings many different thoughts and emotions on my part. I'm not really sure what she is thinking. I know that she can't wait to be done! What a great Christmas gift!

Thanks to all of you who sent birthday greetings! She had a pretty good day. Jeremy took her out to lunch...complete with getting surprised by having to wear a huge sombraro...

She is going to try to do some Christmas shopping today. She won't get going very early as sleeping in helps her so much on her week "off". Then she has class tonight.

Just read a blog written by a friend of a friend...whose young daughter is also getting her "last" chemo. It is so scary because you so want to believe that it really will be the last chemo. But, cancer has such a huge hold on us that you always think that it could come back...or not go away in the first place...I feel like my faith is lacking when I have these thoughts. I have to believe that God does have a plan and that this will some day be completely behind us. I have to keep thinking about the verses that tell us to keep thinking on the things of God...to shine like stars in this world...and to rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS. Philippians is so encouraging...4:13 says "I can do everything through Him who give me strength"...AMEN!

Carli is planning ahead and will be one of the leaders of a group from GCC going to Belize in March dudring spring break. They are having difficulty finding airline tickets...keep them in your prayers. They are such a great group of college kids with the hearts of servants. Please pray for Carli's health and for them to be able to find tickets that they can afford. When I see and hear what other kids want to do on spring break, it is so nice to hear of college kids who want to help others.

Two of Carli's friends and soroity sisters are here tonight in an early birthday celebration. It is so good to hear her laughing and giggling. Rachel and Emily are her "big" and "little" sisters and such dear friends. I'm sure that visiting with them will really get her excited to return to Grove City.

Carli's 22nd birthday is on Monday...please send her an email greeting at:
carligerber@gmail.com

Thanks!!

Chemo week #15

Fifteen...and counting down to #16. This has been another rough one. She says that it is the worst yet...feels very "flu-like"...nausea, achey, worse than ever. It is time to be done with all of this! It is nice to have Jeremy here so that I can leave to get groceries and do some Christmas shopping without worrying about her. Don't get me wrong, I still worry (it's my job as a mom) but at least I know that he can hop up and down for her and call me, if need be.

Dr. Stallings sounded more encouraging yesterday than before! Carli really needed to hear positive words. He said that he thinks that things are going well, and that she should plan on going back to school. Her PET scan will be the end of January. If they do it too soon after chemo, they can get a false negative. Sure wouldn't want that to happen. Then, if it looks good, she will just have to have checkups/scans to watch it. I didn't ask how often, seems as though things are case-to-case, so I didn't know if he would have an answer yet. He did say that if she would have to have a stem cell transplant, that she would be in the hospital for at least a month...please PRAY that this won't be necessary!

She found out that she can be in the room that she originally planned on being in for her senior year, and that she and Rachel can room together. Rachel has been a very good friend, and Carli was so happy to think about going back to GCC and rooming with her. So, some more good news :)

Please continue to pray that she will not have such negative effects from the chemo and Neulasta. It is so hard to see her look so miserable. She is getting discouraged, I pray that she feels Jesus walking with her....

If you didn't read Tara's blog...

If you didn't read Tara's blog posted on Thursday, please do! I posted another one on Friday, and I'm afraid that maybe people missed Tara's posting regarding running for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Check it out!!

Little did Tara know when she ran her first mile for the LLS that she would be so connected to Lymphoma. I really feel that this was a "God thing" and that He orchestrated the whole thing. (Just the fact that Tara ran a marathon is a miracle in itself...no offense, honey, but you are too much like me, and if I ran a marathon it would be a TRUE miracle!!)

I can attest that the LLS does a great job with education and helping those affected by these diseases. Please do not feel pressured to donate, but keep Tara in your prayers as she trains. She has a very hectic schedule and needs to stay healthy!

Carli left this afternoon for Grove City. She is making sure that things are all set for her to return there in January. Plus, it has been a while since she has seen her friends. Many of her good friends are seniors, and she has limited time to spend with them. It will also be nice for her to see how Kelsie is really doing :)

Please continue in prayer for this next round of chemo. It is getting more difficult for Carli with every treatment. But, hopefully ONLY 2 MORE!!!!

Team in Training

Hey everyone,

This is Tara trying out the whole blogging thing for the first time! Many of you know that in 2006 I trained and ran in the Columbus Cap City Half-marathon and the San Francisco Nike women's marathon. I trained and participated through an organization called Team in Training. This organization raises money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society and more than 75% of the money raised goes to the society. All the donations go towards research as well as resources for families. When I origionally participated I had no ties to Leukemia or Lymphoma however I felt that the mission of the society was strong. I still feel that the society has a strong mission only now I have a very strong tie to that mission.

I am training to run the Columbus Cap City Half-Marathon again this April and I am raising money to support the fight against Leukemia and Lymphoma. I will be doing this in honor of my sister as well as others fighting the same battle. I will be training over the next several months as well as raising money for the society. If you would like to help me by donating please visit my website www.active.com/donate/tntcoh/tntcohTAnders1 and donate online. I could also use your prayers and encouragement as running that far is no easy feat (and this time I know just how far I have to run!) I also realize that many of you have been touched by someone with cancer and if you would like me to run in their honor as well please let me know and I will attach a ribbon to my jersey with their name. Your donation is tax deductible and if you would like to know more about the society you can read more at http://www.leukemia-lymphoma.org.

Thank you so much and have a great holiday season!
Tara

We had a great weekend. Saturday was the Kohler Thanksgiving. We had about 35 people here and it is great food and lots of talking and laughing. I am thankful for a finished basement for the kids to play in, and for my niece's husband who stays with them and keeps them occupied! They are so good at cleaning up the basement that you'd never know there were a bunch of kids down there!

Carli ate as much as she could, but the commotion really gets to her so she spent much of the evening in her room. She still wasn't feeling well and she feels bad if she doesn't eat, and then after she does, after a while she feels yucky again. She really can't win!

Sunday she taught her last day of Sunday School (the quarter ended) and then felt tired and nauseated so she went home. I miss her now when she can't go to church. It was so nice to have Kelsie, Tara and Todd there. Feels good when the girls are home. The past week went so fast-Carli said that it went very slow for her...I can only imagine that the hours drag on when you don't feel well.

Pray for her to start sleeping better. She said that she just can't stay asleep and then she is tired in the morning. I can relate to that. Part of the battle is just trying to do what she can to feel better, and sleep sure would help.

Last night we went to see "Enchanted". If you want to see a corny but hilariously funny movie, go see it! Carli went with us and it was good to have her laugh! There weren't many people in the theater, and we felt like we were the only ones laughing out loud. Oh well...we had a good time!

Hard to believe that Thanksgiving is almost over for another year. Carli did not feel well enough to come to our church worship service, but Jeremy brought her for part of the Thanksgiving Sale. It is an amazing time with our church family and guests...time for fellowship and purchasing some unique items brought by members of our church for an auction. The proceeds go to local, national and international missions. We were so surprised when our church decided to make Carli one of the recipients. The love and support from our congregation never lets up! She has been concerned about finances, and wants to be able to continue with missions once she is able. Just another huge blessing. This will allow her a little breathing room when taking care of school expenses. You can imagine how "broke" she really is after 8 plus months with no job and unexpected things that come up. Plus, her tuition will be due soon as well as expensive books...being a biology major is an expensive one as far as textbooks are concerned.

Her appetite wasn't the greatest today (even though Ted's stepmom Lee made an amazing meal). She didn't feel well and slept on the couch most of the afternoon. Tonight she has the bloated and achiness again. But, that is what she has learned to expect at this point after chemo. Each day will get better...

My family is all here on Saturday...she is worried that a lot of noise and commotion bother her. I said that noone will mind if she goes up to her room for some peace and quiet. My brother Gary is coming from Connecticut which will be nice...Sally has to work, though. we'll miss having her here. Hopefully Carli's appetite will be better by then!

She's trying to talk me out of making her get her last round of chemo! I told her I would take her if I had to drag her kicking and screaming. Tonight she made one of the first comments that let me know she is worried about her tests coming up in January. I said that it will be nice to be this time next year when she is fine and back to her "normal" life...and she said "maybe I will be". Please pray for her to perk up a little quicker this time, and give her peace about the next 2 treatments. I think that we all need that peace...the peace that only Jesus can give. Tonight I was watching Gray's Anatomy with the girls and Dr. Bailey said"I'm callin' on Jesus" before a surgery. That's what I need to do often...keep callin' on Jesus.

I guess I am in a little trouble for posting that photo! Carli thinks that she looks sick...I think that both of them look like we have been walking around all afternoon! We did have fun, but for some reason we all were very tired and don't have the same shopping stamina that we used to!

Carli got chemo #14 today. Jeremy took her...she wanted him to see what she really goes through on chemo days. I didn't do much relaxing, however, as it is almost easier to be there than to be wondering how she is doing. She said that she asked Dr. Stallings why she is getting sicker as she goes along, and he said that your body just kind of gets tired of the whole process. No kidding! I thought that maybe your body would get used to it, but I guess that it is the other way around. The good news is...only 2 more treatments!!!

She is feeling pretty yucky tonight, her mouth is already bothering her, but she did manage to eat a little. Ice cream and jello were the fare of the evening. She feels better if she eats a little bit of something frequently...instead of letting her stomach get completely empty. She never knows what she will get hungry for. Can be kind of frustrating for the cook! Thank goodness we have a pantry and freezers. We are blessed to have enough to eat, and are very thankful for our many blessings.

Noone who knows me can believe that I have been at a loss for words! This week has been a long one, but not terribly eventful. Carli has been feeling OK but very tired. She just doesn't have any stamina...she did get her Camp scrapbook done, however. It is huge with many wonderful photos and memories. She really lets her artistic side show when she scrapbooks!

This photo is from last Saturday at Easton in Columbus. Tara, Carli and I had fun shopping, or I should say "looking"!

We got a wonderful surprise tonight. Carli got a letter in the mail from Grove City, and Ted and I just assumed it was her tuition invoice for the coming intercession and semester. She opened it after we finished dinner...and it is a small scholarship for next semester! An alumni couple who lost a son that had graduated in '99 set up the scholarship fund for a student that has overcome physical hardship in order to continue their education at Grove City College. What a blessing that we never expected! God continues to show us he is walking with us through this very trying time in our lives. We are so thankful.

Please pray for a better week this week! Yesterday Carli and I went to see Tara and Todd in Columbus, and we went to Easton for a little while. Saw Jane and her mom who happened to be there for the weekend which was an added bonus!

Only problem...Carli thinks that she overdid it. Today she felt really yucky and had Kelsie teach her Sunday School class for her. (Kelsie came home yesterday afternoon to see Dalton High School's fall production). It was nice to have both girls home today, even though Carli was pretty low-key. It is fun to hear them talk about things at Grove City and listen to each girl's interpretation. It is really hard for Kelsie right now, her classes are really tough. It was nice to have Carli tell her that she WILL survive and that she is looking forward to being on campus with her for spring semester. I am believing that this will happen...

Ted and Jeremy went to Camp Friedenswald this weekend for Men's Retreat. I am so glad that Ted went, and Carli can't wait to hear stories from Jeremy (especially since they spent 9 hours total in the car together!). Camp is Jeremy's home away from home, and Ted needed some R&R. Carli was excited that her 2 guys got to go to camp...her favorite place!

I'm not superstitious, but week #13 is not treating Carli well! She still is very sick tonight with a headache, body aches and a bloated tummy. She managed 2 scrapbook pages today, but was too sick to go to class tonight. Thankfully her professor understands (and recently missed class herself d/t illness) and is coming in early next week to help Carli catch up. So many people have been so wonderful. I wonder if some day (if not now) Carli will realize how many people supported in her in so many ways. When I start having a pity party with myself, I have to stop and be thankful for all of the wonderful things that have happened.

There is an amazing young man (15) at school with Muscular Dystrophy. He has no muscle control over any part of his body, is totally reliant on others for every aspect of his life, has recently been told that he cannot take anything by mouth, but yet he keeps his sense of humor and keeps coming to school just to socialize and see his friends. What a witness he has been to me these past few weeks. When I think that God is being cruel, I think of this student and how he never complains about the situation that he is in. Please pray for him and his family for strength and courage to face what's ahead. The other day I was rubbing an ice cube over his lips and tongue, and I thought of what Christ had to endure for us. The song by Mark Schultz "I Have Been There" played over in my head. Jesus really does understand what we are going through...He has been there!

chemo week #13

Got the test results today. Dr. S said that the nodes in the spleen are gone, and the chest ones improved since the CT in August, but they are not gone yet. He still recommends 2 more rounds of chemo, which would put her last chemo date on December 17. She will have chemo the week of Thanksgiving, which she isn't too happy about, but she will be off for her birthday! Thank God for small favors. Anyway, she asked Dr. S what next, and what if the CT still isn't clear. He said that after Christmas, probably the end of January, he will order a PET scan, which will show if there is any cancer activity still there. If there isn't, we're good and she will have periodic check-ups and CT scans. If it is still showing, then they would consider stem cell transplant using her own stem cells. (If I understood everything right). Please pray that she will be done in December! She is really hoping to do intercession at GCC in January, and already has her schedule figured out and is working with GCC to get everything in line.

Her chemo went fairly well today (no emesis)-she had to fight it during the "red devil", but she won! If that isn't a metaphor for life, I don't know what is!! Hopefully she will continue to be OK as I have parent-teacher conferences tonight, and Jeremy has to work. Hopefully Ted will be able to stay home with her. Time for some father-daughter bonding :)

Emily and Rob's wedding

OK, so I'm not the greatest at these posts...but you will get the "gist"...the wedding was beautiful and the bride and the bridesmaids were stunning! There were many friends from Grove City there, and Carli loved seeing them. She held up pretty well...she even did some swing-dancing with her swing partner from GCC (Seth). I didn't know that either one of them could dance so well! We were amazed...they really burned up the dance floor! Jeremy got stuck sitting with the parents (we were sitting with Todd's parents...it was fun to talk about the wedding of '04) and hopefully we didn't bore him too badly.

It is a blessing to have the time change tonight, as tomorrow morning Carli teaches Sunday School and she isn't home yet....

Chemo Kitty

This little kitty followed Carli and Jeremy when they were on a walk...she adopted it, of course (never hurts to have free vet care) and now it is living with us. When I put my foot down and say that I don't want another cat, she gives me those eyes and says "but she's my chemo kitty". How am I supposed to react to that? I really don't want to care for any more animals, especially when she goes back to school. But, she really is enjoying the kitty and it keeps her company. We'll see how this all ends up in future weeks!! If any of you have any suggestions for a mom that really doesn't like cats, let me know!!!

I can't believe that it is November already! Carli said that having this second week off was like "Christmas". Tonight she said that she can't believe how much better she feels at the end of the second week. She did two half days of job shadowing this week-one at Healthpoint in Wooster, and one with the PT that works for Wooster City Schools. She is strongly thinking about physical therapy, is looking at schools that offer it, and is trying to get her schedule put together for next semester at GCC. She is going to try to graduate next December (08) and hopefully start grad school the following September.

After going to the different schools and working with children (some had cerebral palsy, some muscular dystrophy, and other diagnoses) she said "I can so see myself doing that...I loved it!" That is nice to hear, as she has really been wondering what direction she is going to go. She has always said that she wanted to be a vet, but now is leaning toward PT.

I am just so thankful that she will have the opportunity to move on with her life. This week was a gift. Now on to the wedding this weekend! Looks like a good weekend for Emily and Rob....

Carli got home this afternoon (well, she went to Jeremy's...) and fell asleep for 2 hours! She said that being at school is exhausting because everyone wants to see her and talk to her! She was a good big sister last night and took Kelsie out to dinner, and then they went to "Battle of the Bands" at GCC. Carli said that it was a really fun time.

Tonight she is working on a scrapbook of her summertime adventures at Camp Friedenswald. She has always enjoyed scrapbooking and they always turn out great. It is good for her to have something to pass the time.

Some photos from this weekend.....

Carli was able to drink most of the contrast, and her CT and echocardiogram went well. She felt pretty nauseated afterward, but she was able to eat some breakfast. She went to bed as soon as we got home. Neither of us felt very good...I think that my body has sympathy nausea sometimes!!

I asked her if she wanted to make an appt. with Dr. Stallings sometime this week or next to find out the results. She prefers to "enjoy my 2 good weeks" and said that "even if the results aren't good, it won't change anything right now". So, I am going to be patient and let her find out on her own terms. We are both optimistic and believing that her results will be good, which still means 2 more months of treatments...

She is not going to have chemo next week d/t the wedding that she is in on November 3. She really wants to enjoy being with her friends and doesn't want to be so tired and sick. She is excited to spend time with her friend from GCC, Emily. She also went to high school with the groom-to-be, Rob. So, it should be a lot of fun. I really appreciate the fact that Rob and Emily don't mind having a girl with VERY short hair in their wedding! They are very good friends and have been so supportive of her. They would accept Carli no matter what.

She went to class tonight and then is watching a movie with Jeremy. Ted is at school board...I am enjoying some quiet time!

I felt bad that I had to coax Carli to drink her CT cocktail as soon as she got home today. Yuck. It looks terrible, I can only imagine how it tastes! She has to drink more starting at 7:15 tomorrow morning. Her CT is scheduled for 8:45am, then she has an echo at 10. She did manage to choke down the 10 oz. of contrast tonight. We'll see how it goes in the morning, too.

She said that she is trying to make this easier on herself because she will have to have many CTs until this is all over. She is now standing over my shoulder making fun of me! I am glad that she can keep her sense of humor!

We had a great time at Buck Creek and the weather was perfect. It was hard to see Kelsie go off to school again, the time went by so quickly.

Please pray for good CT results!!!

Ted, Kelsie and I are off to Buck Creek State Park. Carli is still not feeling up to par, so she and Jeremy are coming out tomorrow. Hopefully she will start feeling better with another night's sleep in her own bed.

It will be good to have the whole family together. THat doesn't happen as often as I would like anymore! It should be a beautiful weekend to be outside, and Buck Creek has a beautiful lake, too. What more could we ask?

I attended a conference today on Childhood Cancers, and the return to school, and dealing with grief. Very good, but very hard to take at times. They had 2 panels, one with adults affected by cancer, and one with kids affected by cancer. Boy could I relate! It was good to have many of my feelings and emotions validated by what they said. It would almost be better if Carli was a little younger, they have so many programs and counseling options for pediatric patients. I got a lot of information today, so maybe some resources will become useful for me, not only as a school nurse, but as mom going through this with a child. And, hopefully some for Carli to deal with issues as she starts to look ahead to life in a "new normal" state.

Another miserable day. She was sick during the night and just felt absolutely horrible today. She is puffy all over and hurts if you even touch her. Makes it hard to give her hugs! Wednesday and Thursday post chemo are usually the worst, so hopefully better days are ahead.

We are planning a family outing this weekend to a State Park we used to go to when the girls were little. Kelsie came home tonight (fall break), so we will meet Todd and Tara there and enjoy a family weekend. Kelsie was wound up when she got home (not surprising if you know Kelsie) and it was hard for Carli to handle. She does better when things are nice and quiet.

It was nice to be at church tonight with my kids' choirs...they lift my spirits by just being themselves! At times I long for the days when the girls were little and it seems like life was easy...even though I know better! I just have to remember God's promise to never leave us...He holds the future...not just when things are going well, but when things seem too rough to handle.

Chemo Week #12

Hard day today. Carli was more negative than she's been, and I think that it's because she wanted to be done by now. She had 6 months stuck in her brain, and now that she's not done yet, it is real disappointing. She is still concerned about long-term effects of the chemo.

She has a CT and Echocardiogram scheduled for the 23rd. Then they will know how much more treatment she needs. If the CT looks good, she will need 2 more "rounds" or 4 treatments. Then she would be done before Christmas--what a great gift that would be!

Tonight she feels worse than usual, and her appetite is nonexistent. She usually can eat a little for dinner, and tonight she couldn't. She just now took some Vicodin and Phenergan and is hoping to get some sleep. She said that it is hard to sleep because her abdomen is bloated and sore, she can't sleep on her back, and she can't stay on her side for long. Makes for restless sleeping. That is my prayer tonight, that she can at least get some restful sleep.

It's amazing what twenty-somethings can do for entertainment! Carli was very proud of her sorority jack-o-lantern! They do look pretty cool when the candles are lit. It is nice to hear her laugh and giggle again!

She made it to both of her classes this week. She wrote a paper on Tuesday, and I think that it made her feel good to do work again. And, she actually cleaned her room today--it was a disaster, so that she could tackle that was a good sign! I feel bad when things like her room drive me nuts, but the mom in me is still there, even though I don't want to dwell on things that seem so petty. But, I still expect common courtesy when she is feeling OK. When she goes back to school and I miss her, I will look back on these things and wish that I could have her drive me nuts again!

Non-chemo week...yea!

Non chemo Mondays are so much better than chemo Mondays! Carli did not go with us to Grove City over the weekend...last week was a rough one. She says today that she still feels "chemical" and is very tired. She just showed me how to use Facebook...I am so technologically savvy that I can hardly stand it! Ha. Anyone that knows me knows better !

I am trying to talk her into going outside with me since this is probably our last summer-like day in a very long time. We'll see...she is attached to the couch these days. Although she did make it to a church picnic last evening...it was fun and the weather couldn't have been better, except that the hot dog roast was a little too hot!

Hopefully she will have a great week this week, and can re-energize again.

Carli and Jeremy drove to Pittsburgh for "Light the Night". She called around 9pm, said that girls from her sorority, from her floor last year (she was a RA), and Kelsie and her roommate came down for it. It was fun, lots of people, and she said that she is now designated a "patient hero". She was going to go back to Grove City with friends, but said that she is too exhausted and is coming home. She was really miserable this week with lots of swelling and pain.

She will try to rest tomorrow, and will go back with us to Grove City tomorrow night. It is Homecoming weekend and she really wants to be there. We are going to Jane's son's football game Friday night and then Saturday to Kelsie's rugby game. And we thought we were busy when they were in high school...now we just have to drive farther!

What would we do without our friends and family? Our AWESOME Sunday School class brought homemade frozen meals to us tonight. That will be so nice on chemo days and days of total exhaustion. I know that they are all great cooks, so I am looking forward to yummy meals. My Dad will probably not want me to start cooking again! The Dari-Ette closes on Sunday, so my "I don't feel like cooking" days will be over for a while.

One more treatment then another CT scan....God knows the desires of our hearts...

11 down, 5 to go

Eleven down, five to go, is what she said as we were waiting at the office today. After having some wonderful time off last week, it was almost more difficult to go in today. She still got really sick. She was asleep, and as soon as they started giving her the "red devil", she immediately woke up and started vomiting. She even took extra meds today before the treatment. Tonight she said that she feels more "flu-like" than she usually does. Five to go.........we pray. The next scans will be after her next treatment, and then we should know for sure how much longer until she is DONE. She discussed some concerns that she has about her future and possible drug side effects, so I know that is on her mind. Please pray for peace of mind this week.....and a quick recovery!

She will be going to Pittsburgh for "Light the Night" on Thursday evening, which she is really looking forward to. Someone from the LLS called her today about the fund-raising, and this woman had no idea that she actually has lymphoma. Carli said that they talked for about 30 minutes, and that it was a good conversation. It seems like a wonderful organization.

Rugby!!

We went to watch Kelsie play rugby at Slippery Rock University today. What a hoot. The bottom photo is of a "scrum" and I don't know how they keep from killing each other! Kelsie did make a trip to the ER this week, but her thumb/hand is "just" sprained. The photo of her and Tara was taken because Tara and her good friend Lisa are the ones who started the rugby team at GCC ... they didn't even have jerseys...so Tara is a legend :)

Carli had a great time visiting with some friends from her sorority today, and the girl that she was going to room with this year went to dinner with us. There is a great place called "Rachel's" about 5 mintues west of the outlets that has great food. We had fun eating, laughing and getting the scoop from Kelsie. It is weird for Carli when she is on campus, and Kelsie is the one who is getting to experience college life. K was going to a concert tonight, a Christian group that, of course, I had not heard of, but the girls knew them. She was excited to go, and it was hard to put Carli in the van and bring her home...only a few more months...

Light the Night

Hello everyone!

This is Carli actually writing for once and I apologize for not doing this myself before now! First, I would like to thank everyone so much who has taken the time to check my mom's blog and stay up to date on how I am doing. Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has been sending me cards as well. I never realized how getting this much mail would brighten my day! Having two weeks off of chemo has been a great blessing, and I have been able to accomplish much more than I thought I was capable of within this time. So yay for feeling semi normal again!

Another reason I wanted to make a post is to advertise a fundraiser that my sorority (Gamma Sigma Phi) and I are participating in next week. We are going to be part of the Light the Night walk in Pittsburgh at Heinze Field which is to raise money and support for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. This definately hits home to me and my friends and we are trying to raise as much money as possible through our school and by individual donation sites that we have created online. If you would wish to help us and donate, please visit my site at http://www.active.com/donate/ltnPittsb/2058_Carlibeth Any help would be greatly appreciated!!

Thank you to everyone once again! Friends and family have definately made the biggest difference to us!

God bless,
Carli

Carli loves her new Figment towel! Thanks to the Mast's and Gannon's for thinking of her at Disney World!
I am surprised that she let me put this photo on the blog, but, as you can see, her hair is growing! She still hates it when I rub her head, but Tara and I decided that it feels like a puppy, and who doesn't love to pet puppies? (She will kill me for this).

She had a great time at Grove City this weekend, but was VERY tired when she returned. She loved seeing everyone, but I am sure that it was overwhelming. She said that it was great to be there without any work to do-she could really enjoy the campus and her friends.

She has another week to enjoy-it was so nice to get up this morning and not have to take her to chemo. Sometimes disappointments end up being blessings...isn't that the way God is?

Carli and Jeremy came home Monday night and Jeremy moved to Orrville on Tuesday. Needless to say, I haven't seen much of them yet. It is good to see her feeling good enough to do some "normal" things.

This week and next week of normalcy...I think that this will be really what we all need. Carli is planning on going to Grove City on Friday and Saturday for a visit. Will be nice for her to see her friends, and Kelsie, too!

Kelsie just found out that she will be a "starter" for the women's rugby team this Saturday! We are excited for her, but praying that she stays healthy and has no injuries! (She has already been "cleated"...and has a huge bruise on her leg).

Tara is taking a job helping to care for a teenage with Cerebral Palsy. Should be a challenge, but really good experience for her.

So, for 2 weeks we can relax and enjoy this wonderful weather. What a blessing the past couple weeks have been. Only a few more days of summer...enjoy!

We made it to Michigan and had a nice weekend. You can tell that Carli really gets revived at camp. (I wish sleeping on a mattress with a slippery covering did the same for me!) At least we had heat and a bathroom :) The weather was nice but chilly. Made for a fun campfire with a big kettle of popcorn...felt and tasted good!

Carli ended up getting some much needed rest, and, of course, spent time with Jeremy. Yesterday's morning session was very heavy talking about our times of lamentation to God. Carli didn't stay, which was a good thing. It was hard for me, and I always feel like a blubbering idiot when things make me cry. Crying can be helpful, and it can be embarrassing. Sometimes I feel like I can't get my mind to go anywhere else but with her. I hope that my family and friends (and Carli, too) can understand that. It is so hard to let yourself get caught up in the "normal" world. Priorities are just so different now. I was just reading a blog about a little girl with cancer...how much harder that must be, not being able to really explain things, at least I can talk to an adult child. Maybe the detour in plans would be easier at a young age, though. I don't know. Right now their commonality is their fuzzy heads.

She is coming home tomorrow night, Jeremy is moving to Orrville in hopes to get a job and possibly go back to school in the future. That will be nice for her to have him closer than 4 1/2 hours away!

She will now have 2 whole weeks of feeling decent d/t the doctor's schedule. Hopefully she can recharge her batteries and enjoy feeling good for a longer period of time. It will be a nice change for all of us! It started out to be a depressing factor for her, but I am hoping that it is God's timing for recharging....

Good news-she felt well enough to drive herself to class tonight and got home around 7:30. She is enjoying her classes, and today was a lot of review of develpmental stuff that she had in dev. biology. So, that was nice that she didn't get overwhelmed with a bunch of new stuff!

Tomorrow we leave for Michigan...Camp Friedenswald is having a women's retreat and some ladies from church are going...Carli is going to volunteer on Saturday, and, of course, will see Jeremy. So, should be a fun weekend, and she is looking forward to being at camp again. I'll let you know how it went when we return! The theme is Embracing our Joys and Sorrows...should be interesting. We both could use some Joys about now, and have some sorrows that I guess we should embrace :)

She didn't feel well enought to go to class last night. Today she is very sore, more than usual. Has been basically a couch potato. Resorted to taking 2 Vicodin and wondering if there is anything stronger...so she must hurt!

Hopefully she will be able to go to class tomorrow night. It is only one class, so she says that she will try to make it. Maybe I will finally get a book finished that I started quite a while ago!

As I try to look for the silver lining, I just hope that she feels really good the next TWO weeks and has some fun times...and that she can feel God's presence through all of this....

Chemo Week # 9

Carli had a good time at the wedding on Saturday, then had a wedding shower to attend on Sunday. She also was fitted for her bridesmaid's dress...and it fits! She was happy, as since chemo she has gained a few pounds.

Today was LONG...we waited quite a while to see Dr. Stallings, and then another patient reacted to her chemo so they were all busy with her. The longer we waited today, the more anxious Carli got. She still gets so sick when they access her port, and then again when they give her the "red devil". She slept through most of the chemo today, which is good, but got real sick when they finished and flushed her port. He gave us a med to try next time to ease the anxiety...hopefully it will help decrease the nausea and vomiting.

Tonight she is questioning if she really would have to do the extra chemo. Dr. S said today that the new recommendations are 8 months (it used to be a minimum of 6). She said that she doesn't know if she can do this 7 more times...I said that she has no choice. It is hard, because I know that I really cannot understand what she is going through. But, on the other hand, she cannot know what it is like to be her mom and feel so terribly helpless. In talking with another patient at the office today, I said that you just have to realize that you are not in control. It is hard for me to leave this is God's hands, but that is all that I can do! He has promised to walk with us...and that His plan is best...

She feels very sick tonight...earlier than usual. She feels "chemical" again, and can't get comfortable. Please pray that she gets a good night's rest and will be able to tolerate going to classes tomorrow night.

A big thank you to the great friends who keep us going with food, cards, music, emails, calls, etc. etc. etc. I know that I sound like a broken record, but we couldn't do this without you!

Carli is in Michigan again. Jeremy's brother is getting married on Saturday, so she wanted to be there for that. She wasn't too excited about meeting his family when she has no hair and doesn't look her best, but you have to give her credit for going anyway! I really hope that they have a nice day, as I think that it is an outdoor wedding.

She did drop her Middle East class, and is now happy that she did. 2 classes right now will be enough to keep her busy without stressing her out. She is also teaching Sunday School (to 4-6th graders...what fun!) so she won't be bored!

I am going to pick up Kelsie today...my work schedule changed...and we are going to Jane's son Riley's football game. It will be great to see him play, it's his senior year, and always good to see Jane and Craig. Plus, it won't hurt me to see Kelsie!

Thanks again to our wonderful friends and family who are helping to cook, chauffer and, most importantly, pray. We couldn't do this without all of you!

What a great weekend weather-wise! Had the grandparents over today, and Carli relaxed a bit in the pool. She doesn't stay out long, she says that the sun really wears her out. This time she isn't bouncing back like she would hope...I think that it is partially emotional and just the chemo getting tougher each time...

She is really upset about the weight that she has gained...she is on steroids during the treatments and they make her hungry. I am just thrilled that she isn't losing weight!! Oh the things that bother you when you are 21...I gained weight from the stress and I just count it up to stress and old age...what a difference in how we see ourselves at 51 vs. 21!

Spoke with Craig tonight and he explained more details regarding her CT results. Put me a ease. Her tumor load has gone down considerably, which is great. She just wanted it to be gone so that she would be done with chemo in October. But, a few more months to make sure that it is GONE is what she needs to focus on...

She is probably going to drop her one class at Wayne. I think that is a good idea, 3 classes was a lot during her chemo weeks. I am just glad that she can take the other 2 and have something to do.

Carli found out that it isn't just GCC that is not understanding and willing to bend a little...she might have to drop her one class at Wayne because the prof says that he has to take off points if you miss class...and that is a possiblility on chemo weeks. So, here we go again!!

Last night we had a great time. We went to see "The Lion King" at the State Theater in Cleveland. The costumes were amazing, as well as the interpretation of the characters. What talent. Carli has watched the Disney movie many times and said that she can quote the dialog! She slept until noon yesterday and didn't do much so that she would have the energy to go. She started feeling yucky, had a terrible chemical taste in her mouth, but getting some gummy bears saved the day (or evening, I should say).

She said that she hasn't talked with anyone else with Lymphoma that has had more than 6 months of chemo. That is discouraging to her, as well as a little frightening for me. I don't want the chemo to have time to damage anything else in her little body. She has a good heart (in many ways) and the chemo can be damaging to hearts and other organs. This is a constant prayer of mine, that she tolerate the remaining months well, and that the chemo only kills the cancer and nothing else. Your prayers are still coveted!!

I have a quote from Corrie ten Boom on my bb at work that was given to me by a friend at work..."There is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still". I hold on to the promise that He is able....

Sorry that I didn't blog last night, but sometimes it is just too painful. Jeremy drove her to class and she did OK until about 8:30. Then she was very sick and achey. She had a rough night with nausea and vomiting. But, she did say that she slept until noon and had a few hours of good rest. Then rough again this afternoon.

She did say that her professors were very understanding and said that they will do what it takes to help her. Hopefully she will be able to get through most of the classes and enjoy them. She really needs the distraction right now.

She keeps saying that she doesn't know how she can do this for 4 more months (or longer, but I can't even think about that). I am just praying that she won't have to go through radiation once she is through with the chemo.

Kelsie said that she can't wait until Carli is on campus...please pray that Carli will be ready to return to GCC in January. She really needs that to look forward to! She refuses to even think about being gone for a whole year. As her mom I have to be ready for the possibility that the cure will take longer than we would like. It already has!! Plus, I keep praying that the chemo doesn't cause any long-term side effects. We really need your prayers!!

Again, thanks to all who are supporting us in a variety of ways...every one of you is so appreciated!!!!!!

Disappointing day...Carli did not get the news that she wanted. Too bad that is the way life is...but I have to keep trusting that God is in control, because if He wasn't, this would be really hard to take.

Her tumors are not gone, but they are shrinking. She still has one in her chest, so they are going to do 4 more treatments (counting the one today) and then do another CT. Best case scenario is that she will only have 4 more after that. So that brings us to December sometime. She was hoping to be done in October, but that is not to be.

She was very sick with her treatment today, and I think that part was probably that she had just gotten the news from Dr. Stallings. She always feels terrible when they give her the "red devil", and today it was especially bad. She was trying to sleep, and we thought that she was, and as soon as Debbie started the med, she was instantly sick, and she didn't even have her eyes open! She is that sensitive to it. They gave her extra IV Ativan, and that helped some. She immediately went to bed when she got home.

She is determined to start classes tomorrow evening. She has a World Civ-Middle East class, a World-Civ China class, and Developmental Psych. Sounds like a lot to me, but she has a couple of weeks if she needs to drop. She is going to try to catch the profs tomorrow night, explain her situation, and go from there. I have friends that live nearby, or I will get caught up on my reading, as she will need me to drive her!

Thanks again for all of your prayers. We can't let up now...the weeks and months ahead are going to be some of the toughest.

Carli is back home after having a good time reconnecting with her friends at GCC. The girls that were on her hall last year made her a really neat scrapbook, full of pictures, scripture, and well wishes. I guess that Kelsie is also having a great time with the orientation activities.

Please pray for us tonight and tomorrow as we should get the results of the CT, and then she will get her chemo. That's a lot to handle in one day. Then on Tuesday evening she starts classes at Wayne. I am not sure how she is going to do this, and she will need a driver (me), but she is determined. I think that she might be trying too much, but we will see. I want her to do whatever it takes to feel as normal as she can.

Carli drove home today from Michigan, then went to Wayne College and registered for classes. She can't take everything that she would like, but is taking some classes that she thinks that she will enjoy that will be OK for her electives. (Which of course was possible because Ted and I ran around like crazy people at Grove City yesterday getting her transcript, turning in her computer, etc etc etc). Kelsie is settled in and has a real nice roommate. Hopefully she will make new friends and enjoy college life. Ted and I had dinner with Jane and Craig, which is always a treat.

Carli said tonight that this is the only time in her life that she gets to be the only child! She decided that it is fun for now, but by the end of the year she will probably be pretty tired of being home with the parents. We'll see....

She is driving out to Grove City tomorrow to see her classmates/friends before they are swamped with classes. She is taking out some odds and ends that Kelsie needs, so that wll be nice. She can make sure that Kelsie is on the right track!

Today a good friend from high school stopped by to see Carli. She loves to get visitors when she is feeling well.

It will really be quiet without Kelsie around. The dog is already forlorn.

No news is good news....

We take Kelsie to Grove City College tomorrow...

She is taking Jeremy back home today...mom worries when she's gone. I guess that I have to get over that! Ted and I have some little "jobs" to do for her at Grove City when we take Kelsie on Thursday, like pick up her transcript so that she can "transfer" to Wayne. Bureaucracy....at it's finest. Ha. She said that she isn't letting any of this bother her, wish I could be so calm. But, it will all go away when she returns for spring semester, I hope!

Still having problems feeling bloated and feeling large. Today she was the funny one, however. I was checking out her head (which is soft and fuzzy) and she said that she feels like a cabbage patch doll! The ones that the girls had when they were little were usually bald...but I thought that they were cute! I think that she looks cute enough to go without a scarf, but she isn't that brave yet.

Two more friends from camp are here and they are all going to a concert tomorrow night. I am glad that she feels up to it. Although, I think that she would go if she had to crawl!

I start back to school tomorrow, which makes me a little anxious. It will be good for Carli not to have me around so much, I guess! Hopefully she will make some more calls tomorrow and get her schedule at Wayne College figured out. One more hurdle to jump over.........

She couldn't drink any more, but they did go ahead with the CT. I am not sure when we will get results.

She felt fairly good today. Still bloated, but not quite so achey. Although she did say that she couldn't sleep last night and vomited 4 times. The CT contrast just isn't her thing.

We had a nice lunch, Jeremy and grandpa were here. Then we spent the afternoon outside. She didn't do much but observe, but had a good time anyway.

Tonight we are taking her and Jeremy to Taggerts-a great little old fashioned ice cream place. There is nothing that ice cream won't fix, right? Add lots of chocolate....

Yesterday was no fun for Carli. She had to start drinking her prep for the CT. Being already nauseated, she couldn't drink it. She took a Phenergan first, but it really didn't help much. She couldn't drink it all, and the doctor said that they can still do it, it just might not show things as well. So, today is going to be a coaching session for me to try to get her to drink the rest. She has some more meds that she can take today, so hopefully that will help.

Please pray for her today. Not only that she can drink the prep liquids on time, but that she has peace about whatever the CT will show.

Typical day #2. Jeremy took her for her Neulasta shot and then they went out for lunch. I was glad that she felt good enough to be out of bed that long! Tonight is when it gets tough...lots of aching and bloating. Doesn't sound very pleasant, does it? It is good for her to be distracted...better than when she is just here with good ole mom and dad. She did remind us today, though, that we really won't be empty nesters this fall, like we thought we would. Always the funny girl...ha!

Not the worst day, not the best. She slept a lot during the chemo, and then got really sick as we were leaving. She slept most of the afternoon. Thanks to Diann, we had Kidron Chicken BBQ for dinner, and Kathy made peach cobbler. I thank God for our friends and family, I don't know where we would be without them.

Carli's CT is scheduled for Friday afternoon. She is already fretting about drinking the contrast. It is terrible, and when you are already queezy it sounds impossible. Dr. Stallings gave her a medication to take that should help with the nausea and nerves. Hopefully it will help, or she will be unable to have the CT if she can't drink the contrast. I would think that the only thing left to do would be to insert an NG tube, and that wouldn't be very fun, either. Tara said that she would be glad to come and insert one, as she has only practiced so far on the mannikins at school. Needless to say, Carli was not interested in having her sister practice her skills on her!! Who can blame her?

I start back to school this week and am really dreading it. I just pray that Carli's chemo stays on schedule and that goes smoothly from here out. My job share buddy is great and has done a lot to get us ready to go, and for that I am grateful. Carli still hasn't done everything that she needs to do to get her classes OK'd from GCC...she operates on a different wave length than her mother. What 21 year old doesn't????

Chemo Week #8

How do these weeks go so fast? Seems like chemo week happens more often than "regular" weeks.
Carli came home this evening and we all (Ted and I, Kelsie, Tara, Carli and Jeremy) went out to dinner. It was so nice to sit and eat and talk and laugh. Poor Kelsie...we had some fun at her expense...the youngest sometimes gets picked on! Carli had a great week at camp and said that the little kids were so much fun.

Carli is dreading tomorrow. Each week almost seems to get more difficult. We will be asking the doctor tomorrow what the plans are to check and see how the chemo is doing. If I understood correctly, she will have a CT this month to see if we are making progress. She is determined that she will only have 4 more treatments. The hard part will be drinking the stuff for the CT. She could hardly get it down in April, and now with a queezy stomach she is worried she won't be able to keep it down. Pray that there will be an alternative.....

Jeremy is here to see what she really goes through. Carli said that she hasn't shown him her head yet...I think that it is bothering her more than she ever lets on. She wears a bandana or scarf and has received some cute hats from a good friend (thanks, Sandy!). People are still so thoughtful and praying for her...it is such a blessing.

The registrar called on Wednesday evening. He was very nice and explained the situation that Carli is in. GCC has to report all students to a national clearninghouse. I believe that this is a result of 9/11 and it is something that they have to do. He said that her withdrawel is mainly just a reporting/paperwork kind of thing. She can't have her roommate, because they have 45 students right now on stand-by for a room this fall!! But, by January there should be no problem as they have students that will graduate in December.

He said that she will come back with senior status and be able to register with her class. Thank goodness, because she can't take the chance of being closed out of any classes, etc. The only battles left to fight (I think) are for her computer and her email. He is checking into those issues for us.

He was very nice and explained everything well. He also said that he was hearing how many people are so disappointed that she isn't returning this fall. It is also nice to speak to the powers that be and know that they are also praying for your daughter!!

So, right now we only have the computer and email issues. And, in the scheme of things, they are small issues compared to everything else. I felt a lot better after getting off of the phone with Dr. Inman and realizing why they have to do what they do.

Carli called yesterday and is having a great time with the little inner city kids. She said that it was HOT and humid at camp, too, and rainy. But, they were still having fun. Some of these kids have never been swimming or out in a woods. She said that they are so funny to watch! I'm sure that she will have stories to tell!!! She will be home on Monday as the camp staff are going to the dunes on Sunday. Hopefully her counts will be good enough to have chemo on Tuesday.....

I can't help but crying as I read the last post. Carli and Brett look so cute, but you can imagine what was going on inside their heads.

Now today she says that Grove City says that she has to withdraw in order to take classes at Wayne. That would mean that she has to return her computer, discontinue her email, give up her ID, and not have senior privileges when she returns, hopefully in January. I think that Ted and I are in for a fight with the powers that be at GCC. She also cannot room with her friend, Rachel, when she returns, as they are giving up her room to someone else.

I can understand policy, but Carli isn't a typical student with a typical problem. Please pray for us as we try to work with the college. This really gets to me considering that Carli was a RA last year (and was going to be one this year) and Kelsie is going to be a student there, too. Plus, Tara is a successful alumni. Not like we haven't contributed to the school!!!!!

Talked with Carli this afternoon-she is still coughing. Pray for healing...and for no sunburns on her head :)

Carli and Brett are true cousins! They both went under the blade and both look adorable. Carli did leave for camp after this fiasco. She is still coughing but is feeling better today. This is her last week at Friedenswald with the inner city kids. Should be fun and hot! As her mom, I worry that she won't drink enough, takes her medicine, sleep, etc etc etc. It is so hard to let her go.

Buzzing her head was definitely one of the hardest things that I have had to do in a long time. She was ready, but she still longs for her beautiful tresses. Kelsie was quiet...Brett's mom and dad (Dan and Lori-my sister) and cousin Kaylie were here, too. Dan finished the job as he is the pro with the trimmers. When these two were little and riding in the cabin of the boat, who would've thought that they would be going through THIS together????

Carli says that she feels"chemical" today. She says that she hates how she feels, especially when she can't do anything about it. She did feel good enough this afternoon to go to the Dari-Ette with a friend who now lives in Virginia. They had a great time.

Ted and I went to Alec's memorial service in Shanksville, PA. I didn't realize that he was only 16 1/2. But, for a young man, he sure left his mark on the world. What a witness to God's love, grace and power to work through even the toughest situations. It was nice to meet his parents...what strength they exhibited. Even though it was such a sad time for them, when I talked with his Mom she was so focused on our situation with Carli. Wow.

Carli hopes to feel well enough to head for camp tomorrow afternoon......after shaving her head and her cousin Brett shaving his, too! I'll let you know how that goes!

Neulasta Day

Carli slept in today and Kelsie took her to get her Neulasta injection (I think that I have the flu...sympathy pain for Carli!!). They didn't give her fluids and meds again today because accessing her port makes her sick. So, as long as she isn't vomiting, they omit that part. The injection really stings, though, and she dreads how it makes her feel. Tonight she hurts all over, her joints ache, and her abdomen is bloated. No fun.

Tara came home today...Todd is with a friend this weekend for some bachelor fun before his wedding (nothing too racey...playing golf-at least that what he tells us !) So, she was able to help this evening as Carli and I are both down for the count.

Guess Carli wants to borrow Lori's clippers and cut off the rest of her hair...maybe tomorrow? I'll keep you posted! She still looks cute in her bandanas, but getting rid of the rest of it will be tough.

Chemo Day

She did get her chemo today. She had a particularly rough time today, though. I don't know if it was because she wasn't feeling well to start with, or if her mind was really playing games with her. She took her meds and tried to sleep, but she was very fidgety and just couldn't relax. Today was the first time that she verbalized being very sick and tired of getting chemo. She did eat a little bit tonight and I hope that she can drink enough that she won't need fluids tomorrow. That keeps them from having to access her port, which in turn makes her nauseated and she sometimes vomits. If she feels half decent, they will only give her the Neulasta injection.

Her hair is very sparse, and she thinks that she will shave her head before she goes back to camp. She doesn't want anyone to see her head-she said that is one thing that she will be very private about. Today she said that the way she looks and feels is the worst thing about this whole ordeal. She doesn't feel well enough to exercise, and she feels like her body is turning to mush! We are praying that this is only temorary, and that by this time next year she will be back to her old self!!!

Carli was actually feeling better this afternoon and evening, still had a terrible cough, but wasn't achey. She and Ted went to see the Harry Potter movie. Jeremy came for a quick visit at about 10pm, now she is very nauseated and vomiting. She took some Phenergan and is hoping that it will pass by tomorrow morning. She really wants to get her chemo over with instead of waiting until next week.

No chemo today. She was pretty miserable, cough, congestion, just feeling very sick. Dx: URI, so Dr. Stallings started her on an antibiotic and we'll see how she is by Thursday. If she is feeling better, she can get her chemo then. She is hoping to get it then so that she can go to camp one last time for the inner city kids camp. Her blood counts were good, so that is something to be thankful for.

The mind is a powerful thing. I was nauseated all morning just thinking of taking her for chemo. This afternoon I was better. It is amazing how you would think that things would improve with time...some just do not. It is getting harder and harder to take her to Dr. Stallings office when I know how bad she'll feel during and after.

Friends of ours who live in PA lost their nephew to cancer on Saturday. He was 18. I cannot imagine the grief...please pray for their family...Kirk, Tine, Leanna and Luke.

Carli is not feeling well at all. It seems as if she either has a terrible cold or sinus infection. We'll have to see what Dr. Stallings says in the morning. Right now she is miserable!

We went out to dinner for her "celebration". She didn't feel like doing anything else. My dad went along and we had a good time.

Pray that she can get some sleep tonight, and that she can get her chemo in the morning.

OOPS...lost my touch!!

I hit enter instead of tab....I've lost my touch with technology!!

Another chemo week. Funny how our lives are defined by that now. Carli and Kelsie returned home at midnight and were bubbly and had a great week at family camp. Family camp is not as demanding as kids camps, so they both actually had some down time. Kelsie read the entire new Harry Potter book! Carli has one more week that she will go back to camp, and it is a camp for inner city kids. That one will be challenging!

Chemo is late morning tomorrow, so we will not get home until late afternoon. At least I hope that we are home before evening! Sometime the end of August they will do a CT and see what progress she has made with the chemo. She is really dreading this as you have to drink some really terrible stuff that she could hardly choke down in April when she was being diagnosed. I am praying that maybe I can talk them into maybe sedating her and using a nasogastric tube to give her the contrast. She says that just the thought of tasting that stuff makes her so nauseated and she doesn't think that she can drink it without throwing up.

Tara is not feeling very good, but I think that most of it is a result of anesthesia. They gave her IV Zofran (which is what they give Carli for nausea) and she felt fairly good after that. But, she doesn't have that at home!! She is very achey and tired. Her head isn't feeling too bad...considering that is where the surgery was!!! She isn't going to class today, but has to go to clinicals tomorrow. She is on a pediatric respiratory floor at Children's Hospital...hope she is feeling good enough to go. It was hard for mom to leave and put her in Todd's hands, but he did a good job! It is just going to take time for her to heal.

Today Carli wants to do something to celebrate being half-way through treatments. I'm not sure what we are doing as I'm leaving that up to her and she is still sleeping! Sometime this week she said that she is having her hair taken care of...she really doesn't have much left. This past week she said that she lost a lot of it-she is very matter-of-fact about it and is just wearing bandanas and scarves. She said that she doesn't think that she will use her wigs. She went to a wedding on Saturday and had a black scarf to match her black dress. She said that people probably thought that she was conservative Mennonite...until they looked at her dress!!

I thank God for air-conditioning-this week is going to be HOT and Carli will be sick. At least a cool house will keep her comfortable.

Another chemo week

They all left Monday morning for Michigan and were excited for their last week of camp. It is family camp this week with LOTS of little kids. Kelsie will be volunteering and probably doing whatever the others don't want to do :)

Carli finally admitted that it is usually about Tuesday or Wednesday of the week following her chemo week until she really feels normal. So, today and the rest of the week should be good for her. She is in the process of deciding what courses to try at Wayne College and to see if Grove City will accept them.

Another prayer request...I will be going to Columbus this week and Tara is having sinus surgery on Friday. Please pray that she has a quick recovery as she has to be back in class on Monday morning!

So, will probably not be blogging until Carli and Kelsie return this weekend. Thanks again to all of our faithful readers!!

Great weekend with the camp staff! Carli didn't do any water activities, but she was able to be with everyone all day! These kids are great, and Ted and I thoroughly enjoyed having them in our home. Now we can see why Carli loves to be at camp. They all came to church with us and even helped with our church youth group here tonight.

In the morning they are leaving for camp, and Kelsie is going, too. She can be my spy...ha!! She can let me know how Carli really feels...would be nice, but Carli is still an actress!!

Great day today-although she is still feeling "chemical". She mainly sat around and visited and rode in the boat. We have, I think, 17 in all. What a great group of kids. I could tell that Carli really likes them and feels at ease, and can really be herself. That is so nice when she isn't really feeling 100%.

Tonight is at a concert with another friend from GCC that drove here today from Connecticut! This was planned before the camp gang decided to come, and they knew she would be leaving...so they are just hanging out here and at Putt 'N Stuff. She was tired when she left, so I hope that she doesn't over-do. I still can't help being a mom :)

Hopefully she will be able to go to church in the morning and relax with her friends. Then she and Kelsie are going to Friedenswald on Monday morning. She wants to give her sister a taste of camp life as a worker...

Thanks for your continuing prayers...those who helped with food for this weekend...God doesn't intend for us to go through the valleys alone!

Not a great day again today. She did manage to go to Wayne College and find out that they are more than willing to work with her this fall. The counselor said that most of the professors work very well 1:1 and that she could even miss class with some of them who do all powerpoint and she could access the material over the internet. She is going to check with Grove City and make sure that the classes that she wants to take will transfer. Wayne has quite a few Saturday classes, which would work out real well for her. She usually feels pretty good by Saturday.

She was on the couch most of the day, and she and Kelsie rented some movies and watched one tonight. She isn't nauseated, though, but says that she is very "chemical" today.

We are having camp staff here this weekend...not sure how many will actually come, but it could be as many as 20!! Should be a busy weekend! Carli is very excited to have everyone here. It will be nice to meet the kids that she talks about. I think that Kelsie is going to try to go back with her and work at camp next week. Should be good for both of them.

Not such a great day, but we are learning to roll with it! Carli was very achey, sore and bloated today. At one point she said "mommy, make me better!" What I wouldn't do to be able to make her better! Some times it is even hard to pray, as I think that God should know my heart by now. She still ate fairly well today, and she hasn't lost weight through all of this, which is really good. She doesn't see it that way because she liked her weight loss...even though it was because she was ill...she was working out and trying to eat well...so she thought it was a good thing.

God is good...our church is amazing. It is hard for me to accept all of the help that we have been given, but it is sure appreciated. This weekend at least 10 "kids" (I should say young adults) from camp are coming to our home. Our pastor was here today and volunteered to help make some food for the gang...or at least he will line up some others to help :) Our friends are going to help make some baked goods and finger foods...what an amazing group of people! Couldn't have gotten through this without all of you...even those who just read the blog...it is so inspiring and humbling.....a big thank you to everyone!

Yea! Good Day

A relatively good day, compared to last time! She is taking her oral meds, but refused the IV fluids and other meds that they usually give her on day 2. She was feeling fairly decent, and just the thought of having her port manipulated and flushed made her nauseous. So, she asked to just get her shot today and the doc said OK. She was so excited to not have to be poked so many times! She must've looked better because Debbie, one of the nurses, was so happy she had tears in her eyes! I think that they see Carli a little differently because she is so young, the youngest patient that they have.

Tonight she is feeling yucky, but not terribly nauseated. The Neulasta makes her very achey and bloated. So, that is the same this time. But, she isn't hanging over a bucket. Yea!

She is still very upbeat, and believing that with this treatment she is half-way through. These 3 months have gone by very quickly...but Carli says not quickly enough! She said that she will be glad when it is winter...and she hates winter! But, that will mean the end of treatments.

She is going to meet with a counselor at Wayne College (branch of Akron Univ) on Thursday to see what she can work out. She would like to take some electives so that she won't be so far behind and will only need to take an extra semester. Pray that this will work out...she needs some normalcy to her life. She only has 2 more times to go to camp, and then she will need something else to make her feel productive.

here we go again

Here we go again! Today started by leaving at 9am so that we could first go to the pharmacy and pick up her meds. Then we waited at the office for over an hour. Bummer. She hates to be there in the first place, and then the waiting is terrible! Thank goodness she had also taken a Phenergan (for nausea) and it made her sleepy. As soon as they cleaned off her port and were drawing her blood, she got sick and vomited. It was no fun from then on! Her chemo was given without a hitch, she slept through a lot of it. It is so weird, though, how she can taste her meds and the stuff that they flush the port with. She immediately woke up when they were flushing it just from the terrible taste in her mouth! She has tried candies, mints, food, but nothing helps.

Tonight the nausea and bloating are making her miserable. She did have some minutes of feeling not quite so bad, but then it hits her again. Her hair is really thin, but she still has just enough that some shows outside of her bandana. She still looks cute!

She is already dreading going tomorrow for her meds and shot. She said that she knows that it is a mental thing, she tries to pray, listen to music, talk...but nothing helps. But, the good thing is...this is hopefully half-way through her treatments!!!!!!!!!!

Carli is back at camp...it is really hot in Michigan, too! She called on Monday and said that she isn't bouncing back as good this time. Having some strange chest discomfort...hard for me to know what to say when I'm 5 hours away! She emailed today and said that she is feeling better. She is trying to do mostly office work during the day so that she can be in the air conditioning. Smart girl!

Wes's memorial service was such a witness. I will have to think of him and his quiet faith when I feel the need to complain.........

Feeling better today, although didn't venture far from the couch. We had lots of activity here today with family and friends, she just goes to her room when it is too much. She is still planning on going to camp in the morning-usually she is feeling much better by the time the weekend rolls around. She would like to see some of the kids that were at camp this week, so she will try to leave early to get there before they leave.

She is going to have to be more careful with her thinning hair...she burned her scalp last week and now it is peeling! She had her hair parted and the part got burned...the kids at camp teased her that she should part it different every day and have a striped scalp! Wouldn't that just be creative?

We were blessed by a neighbor that we had yet to meet that brought her red raspberries today-we cannot believe how many people are thinking of her. I wouldn't trade this family and community right now for anything!

She still keeps her sense of humor...this morning when I asked how she was doing, she said "I've been chemo-ed" with a grin. Later she said that she felt like a big chemical. Today it was more the aches and bloating. She could eat, which makes me feel better. For some reason, if she can eat, I feel like not all is lost!! Must be a Mom thing! As long as she was on the couch, she was OK. She seems very chipper when someone comes to visit, and doesn't complain. The hard part for me is that when she is home, she doesn't feel well, and as soon as she feels better, she leaves for camp! I don't get to see her feeling well very often, even though I know that when she is not here she is OK. I am very thankful, however, that she can go to camp and have a great time.

She didn't feel like going out to dinner tonight, so we settled for going to the Dari-Ette for ice cream...that was a nice birthday gift. Kelsie was also able to text and call...all is well in Kentucky!

We didn't remember this, but Ted's ladies at the clinic did...today is 25 years since he started the Country Corner Animal Clinic. That time sure went by in a flash!

Please pray for Wes's family (Ted's second cousin and Carli's friend Amanda's dad)...he passed away yesterday (5th). We know that he is now with the Lord...but it is hard to see someone so young leave their family. It takes an untimely death to remind us how precious this life really is.

Not a very happy 4th of July, but she is eating (b/c of steroids yesterday) and being a couch potato. The nausea is subsiding a little, but she now is feeling the effects of the Neulasta shot (very, very achey) and is having heartburn. We just pray that each day gets a little better!

She was hoping to go for a "slow" walk with me tonight, but gets dizzy when she is upright. We'll just have to do that tomorrow! Her scalp hurts alot today, too, but her hair isn't coming out any faster than usual. She does have a few thin, bald spots, but if you don't look real close she still has hair! She is very thankful for that. Her spirits are still amazingly good, and she has been telling us camp stories every day. She hopes to go back again this weekend as next week is Music Camp.

Kelsie is in Harlan, KY on a mission trip, so things are very quiet here! Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for Carli....

Another rough day

Carli had a rough time today. She was VERY apprehensive going to get her post chemo meds and fluids today. She was afraid that she was going to have another attack of chest pain and shortness of breath, so she was nervous during the whole visit. She got very sick after the meds (which are supposed to prevent nausea and vomiting). I really feel that they are trying everything that they can, she is just not responding well. They did go ahead and give her the Decadron today, and also Ativan for her anxiety, plus Zofran for the nausea, and some fluids.

She did eat a little, even though it was very weird stuff from the Dari-Ette. She wanted a bun with "the works" on it, no meat!! yuck! But, she ate it and it stayed down. She visited a little with Grandpa, and then went to bed.

I just hope that this evening goes better, and that she can enjoy the holiday tomorrow. We haven't made any plans, as she just wants to be a "couch potato". I will be happy if she feels good enough to be on the couch!

We left this morning at 9am and returned home about 3pm. Those are about the longest 6 hours that I have ever experienced. We saw Dr. Stallings who was pleased at how things are going except for how bad she feels after treatments. He did not give her the Decadron, hoping that maybe that was making her feel lousy and could have caused some of the pain and anxiety that landed her in the ER the last time. This afternoon she looks and feels about the worse that I have seen her. She isn't actively vomiting, though, so I guess that is something to be thankful for. Nothing sounds good to her, and she is having trouble even finding something to drink that will not make her sick. She goes back in tomorrow morning for fluids and Neulasta shot, maybe there will be something else that they can do for her then.She still has hair, but it is very thin and patchy. She is just happy that she has had it for this long...every extra day is a bonus! Her spirits are amazingly good, she is a trouper. I wish that I could say the same for her mother! I guess that I am having sympathy nausea this afternoon, it makes me feel so bad to watch her be so miserable. But, this was her 5th treatment...so we are making progress! Pray that the doctor can come up with something else tomorrow to help, and that she can sleep the evening and the night away....

Yuck-chemo day

We left this morning at 9am and returned home about 3pm. Those are about the longest 6 hours that I have ever experienced. We saw Dr. Stallings who was pleased at how things are going except for how bad she feels after treatments. He did not give her the Decadron, hoping that maybe that was making her feel lousy and could have caused some of the pain and anxiety that landed her in the ER the last time.

This afternoon she looks and feels about the worse that I have seen her. She isn't actively vomiting, though, so I guess that is something to be thankful for. Nothing sounds good to her, and she is having trouble even finding something to drink that will not make her sick. She goes back in tomorrow morning for fluids and Neulasta shot, maybe there will be something else that they can do for her then.

She still has hair, but it is very thin and patchy. She is just happy that she has had it for this long...every extra day is a bonus! Her spirits are amazingly good, she is a trouper. I wish that I could say the same for her mother! I guess that I am having sympathy nausea this afternoon, it makes me feel so bad to watch her be so miserable. But, this was her 5th treatment...so we are making progress!

Pray that the doctor can come up with something else tomorrow to help, and that she can sleep the evening and the night away....

Carli called from camp...had about an hour to rest so she was going to do so...at least that is what she told me! Made me feel better, anyhow. Kelsie has been busy working...at least that is what she told me....ha ha. Tara came home to take Kelsie to Grove City for registration tomorrow. Should be some good sister time. Carli will come home on Sunday, and her treatment will be on Monday next week. Please keep her in your prayers so that she will be able to go without fear. After the last time and ending up in the ER, she will have some apprehension, I'm sure.

Also keep Ted's second cousin, Wes, in your prayers. He is in the final stages of a brain tumor, his parents are dear friends of ours, and his two children are good friends of Carli and Kelsie. Life is so short.

Ted and I have had a great week, and spent some nice time with my sister Susan and her husband Tom. The weather was beautiful and it wasn't too humid. Was so great to have some "down" time. Even though we were relaxing, Carli is always on my mind. I have a hard time giving this situation over to the Lord...I guess I like to be in control, and this certainly has been a situation that I can't control! I am sure that some day I will see the lessons learned...as for now, I am trying to learn what it means to "trust".

Carli did go to camp! yea! I talked to her when she was on her way, she said that she was tired but excited to be going to Friedenswald. She took a different route so that it would be easier to pull off the road if she got tired or sick. She took Ted's car and enjoyed having cruise control. We are praying that she has a great week with the high school kids.

Ted and I are enjoying a week at the beach. Hopefully we can relax knowing that she is OK and that Kelsie is working and staying out of trouble :)

Beth